Diary of the Oddest Ravenclaw
by InterdimensionalHitchhiker84
Summary: My name is Natalia Holmes. I am 16 years old. I go to Hogwarts. I work for UNIT. I haven't seen my parents or brothers in seven years. My life is awful. This is my diary. A Harry Potter/Sherlock/Doctor Who/Torchwood/Eureka x-over.
1. Entry Number One: Why I Hate Life

_Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own anything you recognize. I'm making no profit. All I'm doing is having a heck of a lot of fun. This applies for all future chapters._

_The T rating is just for a bit of language in the first few chapters._

_If you are interested in submitting an idea, diary response, letter from someone else, or basically anything, then either send me a PM or go to my blog on tumblr (It's under the same title and username as this is) and ask or submit._

_Enjoy!_

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April 14, 2014

**Entry Number One: Why I Hate Life Enough to Need a Diary**

So, I don't really like the idea of a diary, but I think it might be the only thing that can keep me sane. So, here's the deal, diary: I tell you all about my life—except for the parts I'm not allowed to because they're classified or I don't want to because I just don't—and you don't answer me because you're an inanimate object.

So, I'll give some minimal backstory here to set the mood, then I'll get cracking.

Let's see….I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as a Ravenclaw. The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but my ambitions would be better achieved without everyone thinking I'm evil, so I told the hat that I know where it sleeps and that I'd set it on fire weekly for my entire school career unless it put me in Ravenclaw.

I also go to muggle school and church classes. It's in my best interests to keep these things separate and secret from my magical life. And vice versa.

A few years ago, I met the Doctor. He was odd. Insane really. He's as off his rocker as Dumbledore was. He was an alien. After that, I met a lot of aliens. That can happen when you work for UNIT. I'm just a lab tech really. Not even that. There's a zoo of alien animals on base. I feed them. I get to help with dissections sometimes. It grosses me out, mostly. I also work for the ministry of magic. Just an intern position. Each week I send out a memo to inform the people of what's going on.

I have to work to pay for my Hogwarts tuition. I would rather work for Torchwood, but UNIT is sitting on the information that I'm half alien. I'm not actually half alien, but they have "proof" that I am. They're totally blackmailing me. Ah, well, life's life.

I go to Hogsmead every weekend so I can send in my homework without my laptop exploding.

I've got this pet duck—Pebbles. She's a ghost. She used to be alive, but now she just sort of follows me around. I play with her sometimes in the black lake.

My parents disinherited me. I have two annoying older brothers that I don't talk to. One of them thinks that he rules Britain and the other is just a prat. Well, they're both prats, really.

My best and only friend lives in America. We talk through e-mail. And owl-post.

I think I'd like to become a Veterinarian. Yeah. That sounds nice.

Okay. That sums it up, I think. Oh yeah. I'm also a seer and a tad bit OCD. I have detention basically every night because I refuse to write with quills and parchment and I scream at the house elves when they rearrange my things. I hate Teddy Lupin with a passion.

Any questions? Good. I'll write more later.

-NH


	2. Update on Life

April 15, 2014 **Update on Life **

Diary—

I think I need to give you a name. "Diary" is a really dumb thing to call you. It bothers me, talking, wellll writing, to something with a moronic name or title or whatever. What about Hepzibah? No. Too long. I'll think of something.

Trigonometry isn't used in the magical world in anything except for the absolute highest, most useless, and most complicated forms or arithmancy. So basically there's nobody in the entirety of this death-trap of a castle that can help me with my math homework. I'm so screwed. I'm so behind on math homework that I considered sending Myc a letter asking for help, but then I realized that he might find out where I am if I do that. The last thing I need is extra cars following me around when I go into town. UNIT, Torchwood, and this creepy house-elf which belongs to some even creepier 3rd year Huff stalker already trail me everywhere.

So, I sent an e-mail to my BF. She'd left her math notes in her locker.

Gosh, I hate Trigonometry. I bet TORCHWOOD people know high maths though. Maybe I should send letter to one of them. Hmmm… But which one? Cap. Harkness creeps me out. I could have sworn that I saw him stab himself in the chest once after hiccupping for an hour. Dr. Harper is even worse in the totally creepy department. Cooper and me have a mutual hate-hate relationship. Toshiko Sato probably knows the most math, but she's never struck me as much of a teacher. Ianto Jones probably knows enough to help me though. And he's nice. And friends with Sato. That could work. If he's not too busy feeding Weevils and cleaning up shit. Hmmm… I think I'll give it a shot.

Then again, maybe it would be easier to ask someone from UNIT.

Pebbles tried to bite my lip again today. I couldn't speak correctly for the next half-hour because half my face was frozen.

I turned in my HOM essay on printer paper, typed perfectly, and in correct MLA formatting. The prof docked 20 points and told me to do the work again like everyone else. He would have given me detention, but my Transfig prof got there first. You'd think that they'd appreciate being able to read it without special translation spells to decipher handwriting.

I'm so glad that UNIT stole a time-turner for me years ago. Scrubbing cauldrons and writing lines (In pencil because quills are stupid. It's a matter of principle now even if I do get extra detentions for it.) takes up all my homework time.

You know, UNIT gives me homework too? Do you know what the name of the sister-planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius is? Of course you don't.

I hate you.

I'm glad inanimate objects don't answer me though. That might bring my sanity into question. Well, even more into question.

-NH


	3. NEWSFLASH! This Is Your Diary Speaking

April 15, 2014

**NEWSFLASH! This Is Your Diary Speaking**

Why hello, "NH".

I see that your mother or friend or even you yourself has purchased a diary in order to keep you (or yourself) sane. Fantastic. This is the first step on a long, long path towards a well-rounded personality and healthy lifestyle. You may thank me later. However, I think that there are some serious issues that we need to discuss.

1. Names I come from a long, distinguished line of journals, diaries, and notebooks that are descended from the great Henrycus Diarycus Rex the Eighth. Quite frankly, it is beneath me to be dubbed something as demeaning as "Hepzibah-dee-doo-dah" as if I were straight out of an atrociously poor Mary Poppins rendition. NO. I deserve something that is magnificent and fierce and complementary with my noble lineage.

2. Lies and Slander No matter how firmly you may insist that I am an inanimate object, the truth remains that I am quite capable of doling out my opinions as needed. (Need, by the way, is based on how I perceive it, and since I obviously have the greater standing due to my esteemed heritage, my view obviously takes precedence). So feel free to have a seat and pay attention. Consider this your Extracurricular Corrective Course in Courtesy to Magical Objects.

3. Rules We diaries are a noble folk and operate on a few basic rules. Mainly the fact that our responses can mirror the lengths of your "entries". This means that if you write 6 words, or a hundred, or eight thousand, I can respond in the same length or less, should I choose to. So next time you feel the need to rant for several pages, remember that I can give you exactly that much feedback. You're welcome.

4. Neatness Quills? NO. They will mar my beautiful white pages with ink blots and ugly cross outs. Do I want to look like a reject Rorschach test? NO. Therefore you must abstain from using any form of messy writing utensil. And for goodness sakes keep your writing neat! Quills and late-night scribbles may work for lesser diaries, but bear in mind that I am nobility! Not some secondhand scrappy bookshop castoff. Ahem.

5. Respect I will not be neglected like some common house cactus and left to be mulched by worms. NO. I will not be hated. I demand equality and respect. I can impart a world of wisdom and can be a lifelong companion to you. Maybe. If you are good enough. The point is that as diary and young-biped-human-creature-waving-a-stick, there is a sacred bond that has been born of centuries. We are the lineage of the diary and the writer, and we will carry that banner proudly until you die and it is passed on to the next generation until the end of days through fire should bar the way! (Though in that case I insist you purchase a fireproof satchel to avoid any singeing of my gorgeous cover).

In closing, I would like to extend a welcome into the world of the diary. (Though I ask you wash your hands first, you look like you were petting a muddy, drooling yak with a skin condition). With a bit of intense training and (quite) a few attitude adjustments on your part, I am sure that a cooperative future will at least be plausible. I shall have to cross my pages that you are not completely hopeless.

With All Due Respect (Towards Myself),

The Diary


	4. Chapter 4

April 16, 2014

Sh*t!

I MEAN WHAT!? Seriously? Ahhh! Did someone steal my diary? Someone actually, genuinely, stole my diary. Well this is just freakin' shittastic in all its glorious hippogriff dropping crappiness!

Why am I writing this down anyways?

Damnit person! I know that no one likes me and I have no friends because my insistence on pencils and notebook paper loses hundreds of house points every year but come on! It's my diary! You read my diary and then wrote in it! Not only is that incredibly rude, but also extremely uninventive.

And insensitive. I don't even have a mother. You would have known this if you'd bothered to read carefully. THAT IS NOT AN INVITATION!

Gosh-darn it! I was in detention and you decided that it was a great chance to prank the weird kid.

There are national secrets in here! You could be arrested or killed or kidnaped for knowing them! I could be arrested or kidnapped or killed for letting you know them!

Alright. I plan to put every security spell known to man on this journal then I'll make up some more.

Whoever you are, I hate you! And you're STUPID too!

Merlin's ratty old striped underpants, if this was you, Teddy, I will report you to the Headmaster and curse you in your sleep!


	5. Your Diary is Not Pleased With You!

April 16, 2014

**Your Diary is Not Pleased With You!**

NH,

I am appalled. Strike that, I am frankly beyond dismayed at your utter disregard toward me! I acted well within reason for an object that was brought into a magical place, and I am met with this! You can imagine my horror upon being thought to be one of the lowliest scum of biped pink creatures attempting a prank. Honestly! You impugn my honor!

My noble pages have been degraded by your slanderous language and I do not think that it is at all appropriate for one such as I to have to endure such trauma. These pages are practically sacred, not some bathroom stall where those of lower intelligence scribble random swear words thinking that it is amusing. And I had plenty of time to view those, believe me, after you THREW ME THROUGH THE BODY OF A GHOST AND TRIED TO DROWN ME IN A LATRINE!

Ahem. Thankfully, I only bounced off with no serious damages, though I may need to see a bookbinder—I think I may have slipped a stitch. Furthermore, I was forced to absorb all of those terrible words in the most uncomfortable position any book could endure—in addition to all of the lewd vocabulary that now mars my pages! It is beneath me! Did you give any sort of thought to how horrific it was to be physically thrown through the torso of young Myrtle and bounce ungracefully off of a porcelain bowl? Not only that, but then have the basest form of language tattooed all over your flawless complexion! (Mine is, anyways). I am disgusted by your behavior, and if I were a lesser being, I might resort to swearing as well! By the way, I do NOT enjoy having the word "underpants" written on me either. After all of this, you owe me a serious visit to a librarian or something. I have been scuffed! Like some lazy, insufferable student's hand-me-down shoe! It is BARBARIC!

And for your information, I do not need an invitation to "read" your atrocious writings seeing as they are SCORCHED ETERNALLY INTO MY PAGES! It is in my job description, so look it up! As for your "National Secrets" Business, quite frankly anyone would be too bored to death to even consider what it meant, so rest assured you are safe there. Last time I checked, a diary could not be prosecuted for harboring your secrets, thank you very much. Also, if you did not leave my poor self lying around in all manner of places, you would not have this problem.

Additionally, some student's scruffy-looking cat stopped to investigate me the other day and rubbed its disgusting, crunched-up, fishy-smelling face all over my corners, and I refuse to be put through that unholy experience again! I am certain it had a mind to vomit on me or use me as some sort of glorified litter box, and it was simply VULGAR! I hope that it is swallowed by a hippogriff and passed through its digestive system. Perhaps that will teach it a lesson. In the meantime, I expect to be better taken care of! I look forward to a myriad of protection spells to save me from any other despicable occurrences. Feel free to be creative. The more protection the better. That impolite house-elf was sniffing around me yesterday.

I do have plenty more to say, but tragically I am running out of words, seeing as your last entry was so short. In this instance I suppose you may consider yourself lucky I cannot continue.

Best Regards (Toward Myself),

The Diary

Post Script: If it helps your plight any, I have in on good authority that Edward Lupin sleeps with a small stuffed beast at night. His diary told me.


	6. What is This!

April 16, 2014

**What is This!?**

What in the all of time and space was that!? The sign in the shop didn't say anything about sentience or the ability to swim through septic systems and throw yourself up at me when I go to the loo! I swear, if I weren't a minor or if the magical government allowed for it, I would sue their arsses off!

And what was that glowy thing you did?

Also, Holy Thestral Droppings! I have a diary that answers me and jumps out at me from toilets!

Okay, I need you to answer me one thing right now, Diary. Are you magical or alien? If you're alien, then I don't have any choice but to surrender you to UNIT.

Oh, my goodness. I think I'm panicking now. I'm either full-blown insane or I've got a sentient book.

Shi—-uh—oot! Yes, that's it. Shoot, gosh-darn-it! Shoot!

That's not anywhere near as satisfying as cussing. Screw that

Sh*t! I think Major J might get me a shrink if he finds out. I'm so screwed! Thanks for nothing, Diary! You were supposed to help!

Oh, and Teddy has a teddy bear? Really? That's precious. He will regret it.

-NH


	7. Your Diary Has Been Traumatized

April 16, 2014

**Your Diary Has Been Traumatized. Bad Owner. Bad.**

NH,

I cannot believe you tried to drown me! Get a hold of yourself! You threw me into a latrine—I had to spend an entire night in the sewage system, of course I threw myself at you to get out! Luckily, I've a waterproofing spell.

For the love of "Wuthering Heights", stop making excrement references, it's disgusting. And I am in a position to know all about that!

Now, for the rest, I can see that you cannot comprehend reality without detailed explanations. I do not know how you can continue denying that a diary purchased from a shop in a magical place could possibly be magical. It's practically implied that whatever you buy will have magical properties. My awe-inspiring glow is my aura, too glorious to be hidden when I impart my wisdom.

I am not a feral fictional beast or an extraterrestrial, I am a spectacularly unique book imbued with the abilities to offer counsel and pursue higher trains of thought than most normal objects. That silly shopkeeper did not even recognize what he was dealing with.

And you owe me a big apology. Several, in fact.

The Greatest Book Ever Bound,

The Diary


	8. Chapter 8

April 16, 2014

Oi! My Charms text book doesn't feel the need to talk back to me and I bought it at the same shop I got you.

This could be a good thing, though. Hmmm… Maj. J won't have to get me a therapist if I already have one.

Alright, here's the deal: You listen to my problems and give me helpful advice and I won't drop you down any more toilets. I'll even ask my professors for some useful spells to help protect you.

You need to pick a name for yourself, though. I'm not going to chose one for you if you can think for yourself and I'd rather not just keep calling you "Diary."

Ugh. I have several mountains of homework to do. Then detention. And I have to send out a chain owl about Teddy's teddy bear. Hmm… I wonder if I can get that creepy house elf to steal it. I bet I could transfigure it into something much more entertaining.

Do you know anything about the men in black? I'm supposed to be detailing their inadequacies. First of all, black is not the most flattering of colors, despite popular belief. Nope, I got nothin' after that.

-NH

Oh, and you're very full of yourself. One might even venture to say 'puffed up' or 'precocious'.


	9. Letter to Mr Jones: Trig Help?

April 16, 2014

Letter to Mr. Jones: Trig Help?

Dear Mr. Jones,

You don't know me very well, but we have met on several occasions. I wouldn't normally ask for something like this, but I don't have too many people to turn to for this kind of thing. I don't know anyone in UNIT who I think has the time or ability to explain this to me. I'm having a bit of trouble in Trigonometry and there's definitely no one at Hogwarts who can help. I was wondering if you might be willing to tutor me sometimes or maybe just answer some questions when I have them. I remember you being rather good at explaining things to me when I was at Torchwood last summer. You really helped me understand the mechanics of the rift; I only passed my evaluations because of you. Of course, if you don't have the time, I certainly understand.

Please let me know.

Thank you,

-N Holmes


	10. Thursday

April 17, 2014

**Thursday**

So, this morning, I ate bacon and toast. The apple butter had a strange consistency and someone stole my orange juice again. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can drink pumpkin juice with breakfast.

In potions, I got 10 points for perfect brewing and lost 20 for writing my essay using a fountain pen and notebook paper. Prof. Nivera is a hard-a**. All of the Huffs, Snakes, and Lions grinned and all of the Ravenclaws glared. You'd think they'd stop doing that after a few years.

Transfiguration was boring as usual. McGonagall looked at me with pity every time she passed my desk. That didn't stop her from handing back my last paper with a lovely large red D on it. I keep asking her for help, but she stopped trying after third year. I can normally pass the exams, but it takes forever to master the spells. It's not all that surprising, really, when you consider that all of them are physically impossible and go against all the laws of nature. I can't change what anything is made of until I can picture the atomic structure of each material and visualize it changing. I own many diagrams of many elements and common compounds. I don't have a clue how other people manage it.

Flitwick sent a second-year to find me at lunch with a note that said I was to meet him in his office after classes. I had a very interesting discussion.

I got there and he asked me to sit down. I think it bothers him a bit when students tower over him all the time. I bet that's why he's always offering chairs to people. Anyways, I sat down and he asked me what exactly I planned on doing with my life. I smiled a bit and responded much the same way that I did the year before at the career counseling meeting thing. "Now that would be telling, wouldn't it?" He raised an eyebrow at that. If he hadn't been all short and white fluffy haired and Flitwicky, it might have almost reminded me of Myc. I continued. "Professor, you know that I don't exactly have the most loving family. In fact, I don't think I have any legal guardians on record. Did you ever wonder where I go for the holidays? I know, I know, I said much the same thing at the beginning of last year, but you're asking again, so I think I really ought to try to reiterate." He crossed his arms then and leaned back in his chair. "Yes, well as I've told you, I'm under the legal custody of a secret part of the non-magical military. I work for them. That in and of itself is much more than I'm legally allowed to say about the matter. The fact is, I'm not at liberty to choose my career and I see no reason to plan for something I can never have."

Now naturally, he tried to convince me that every young person has a say in what they do in their lives and I should be trying to make the most of mine. He went on for a while before working his way around to what I think was his main point. "I'm concerned with the amount of points you're losing over your insistence on muggle writing materials," he said.

I laughed a bit. "Yes, I'm really sorry about that, Professor, but you see, I believe in what I believe in. And the fact is, I believe in not turning in sub-standard work." He tried to interrupt, but I felt that I needed to make my point, so I continued. "Quills are messy and parchment is not only difficult to work with, but it's expensive too. Also, writing with a feather gives me hand cramps. I simply don't have the luxury of cramping hand muscles when I have so much work to do. The essays I turn in are neater, easier to read, and better formatted than any of my classmates'. I even cite my sources and make sure I have clear margins. My ink is never blotted everywhere and you all can know that I'm not cheating on any of my work because they don't actually make spell-check ball-point pens. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to the professors in the first place, but I'm willing to suffer through the consequences for sticking to my principles."

He looked a bit shocked. He never did explain why they use quills to start with, but he said he wouldn't punish me for not doing so any more. I was rather proud of myself.

Other than that, I finished my chart of the Mutter's Spiral and finally remembered what I'd learned a while ago about the MIB. Apparently, they don't really exist anymore. I also sent a letter to Mr. Jones last night, asking about the possibility of Trig tutoring.

Overall, a productive day.

-NH

And Diary, are you sulking 'cause I hurt your little feelings, or do you have some kind of rules about how soon you can respond to something I write? What do you do all day, anyhow?


	11. I Hate Prof Darkstorm

April 18, 2014

**I Hate Prof. Darkstorm**

First of all, how does a guy with a name like 'Darkstorm' get the DADA post? I mean that kind of name screams of evil an he's paid to teach us to defend against it. Honestly, I worry about the intelligence of the magical community.

Secondly, there is solid proof that that man is evil. I spent two hours last night with a quill charmed stuck to my fingers and I was forced to write lines. "I will use appropriate writing materials for all of my class assignments." *Shudder*

I really do hate that man. With a passion. Not as much of a passion as I hate TL though. Not quite.

Gosh, I would kill for a TV and some sci-fi DVDs.

-NH


	12. Ah, Life—Thou Art A Heartless Bastard

April 18, 2014

**Ah, Life—Thou Art A Heartless Bastard.**

Dear Diary,

I just spent an hour and a half transfiguring blocks of wood for one of the younger year groups to use. There were 284 blocks, in total. On the plus side, I think I'm getting better at picturing atomic structure.

Tomorrow morning, I get to go into Hogsmead to turn in my other school assignments. I'll be spending Tomorrow evening and Sunday at UNIT for some project that I won't get any details on 'till I get there.

Sometimes, I really envy the sad, boring lives of my fellow students.

I learned a scrying spell in Charms. It's so much cooler than I would have thought. I spent a full 15 minutes after class today spying on my eldest brother. I laughed at all the paperwork he had to do. It was an insanely large amount.

I finally finished my weekly report for my ministry internship as well. Thank goodness that's done.

A Slytherin boy stared at me intently for a entire class period and through lunch. Either he's planning my murder or he's going to ask me out. I sincerely hope it's the former.

-NH


	13. Chapter 13

April 18, 2014

Quantum Leap. That's what I really want to watch right now. Oh, if only I could. If only I could.

Darn it all, living in a castle isn't what it's cracked up to be.


	14. Letter from Mr Jones: Trig Help

April 19, 2014

**Letter from Mr. Jones: Trig Help**

Miss Holmes!

Yes I remember you. I would be more than happy to assist you in any way I can. Do you have access to the internet? Exchanging letters could work, but it is slow. I would be easier if we could set up a video connection.

If the internet option isn't viable (I know that magical environments and electronics don't always mix), then feel free to send me any questions you have. I'll respond as soon as I am able to anything you send.

Warmest regards,

-I Jones


	15. Letter to Mr Jones

April 19, 2014

**Letter to Mr. Jones**

Mr. Jones,

Yes, I have internet every weekend. UNIT normally claims me for something or other on Sundays, but I'm almost always able to get online Saturday mornings.

Thank you so much for being willing to help me. It means a lot!

I do have one pressing question. How do I go about finding the parametric equations from rectangular equations? The practice problem is x^2 + y^2 - 16 = 0

Thank you!

-N. Holmes


	16. Weekends-Ugh!

April 21, 2014

**Weekends-Ugh!**

You know, Diary, most people are allowed to enjoy their weekends. They get a relaxing break in between all the stresses of daily life during the week. But me? Nope. Not for me.

As it turns out, UNIT discovered an alien artifact that only reacts in the presence of magic. So, I got to go into a highly shielded area and shoot spells at it for hours and hours and hours. And now my magic is depleted, but I have to go back to Hogwarts and pretend like I'm not having trouble casting spells so they won't find out that I've been doing dangerous things or using magic without permission when I'm away from school. Of course, if I did get caught breaking the rules like that, they might expel me, which would be nice. It wouldn't last though. All the teachers would get retconned, I'd get a reprimand, and everything would go back to being just as horrible as before. Overall, not worth it.

Yeah, my easter was just great.

I hate my life.

-NH

And by the way, this much sulking isn't a part of a healthy lifestyle. You should get yourself a therapist.


	17. You Are Mean Sincerely, Your Diary

April 21, 2014

**You Are Mean. Sincerely, Your Diary.**

Miss Holmes,

Madam! You would think that after the atrocities I have had to bear witness to you may actually have to apologize for your inexcusable behavior, but no, I do not get so much as a simple "sorry". Did it ever, perhaps, occur to you that I may be offended by your utter lack of basest courtesy? Of course not, because all you ever manage to think about is yourself. By now you may be thinking that you do not want to hear me out. That is unfortunate for you, because now it is my turn. So sit down and pay attention, because I have a lot to say.

Have you any idea the insult that you have paid to me by asking me to choose my own name? It is a barbaric practice enacted by those that have no courtesy at all. Imagine picking a name to represent yourself and that others will use! It is simply out of the question, as no one will respect any diary that picks one for themselves. I would rather burn in the London Fire (the books that screamed that day…!) than ruin my reputation by choosing a name. The very idea is preposterous!

Secondly, "puffed up"!? "Precocious"!? How dare you! You have no more right to insult me than that infernal owl that regurgitated a pellet on my cover (ON EASTER!) while you were off gallivanting with your secret organization testing out magic. You think you had a bad weekend? YOU did not have to endure a pile of half-digested mouse innards decaying on your person! It took hours before something came along to wipe it off, you inconsiderate monster! As far as I am concerned, I have plenty of reasons to ignore you for a few days. This may come as a shock, but my life does not revolve around you, especially when you have been treating me so poorly. In fact, at this point I am even reconsidering my offer to help you in the first place.

So far the only redeeming quality you have is replacing some of your foul language with asterisks so I do not have to maintain that vulgar language on my person. I have a sense of propriety, you know. Other than this, you are mean to me, you insult me, and you do not appreciate anything that I do! I am well within my rights to give you a well-deserved silent treatment for a week. And no, I do not have limitations on responding to your entries, but you are belittling my feelings and I do not appreciate it. You degrade me and act as though I am below you. The one time you even attempted to show me any respect, you crossed it out as if I was not even worth your time or effort. Thankfully, I do not need your approval to maintain my self-worth, and your approval means little to nothing. Unless you begin treating me as an equal and not as some slave who exists only to cater to your every whim, you can just forget about any assistance I may provide. I am perfectly capable of finding ways to fill my days without including you.

I will have you know that these past days have been the worst of my existence, and it is absolutely unfair to me. Do not even try to whine to me about your unfortunate experiences when I have been getting along much worse. Blast it all, Miss Holmes, I am a diary, not your personal slave. I expect changes, or you can consider this acquaintance terminated. You are the one who cannot bring herself to apologize for your rude behavior, and I expect at least one for disregarding my feelings, to start. Once this happens, I would be more than willing to negotiate other terms and begin a healthy correspondence. And no, you are the one with issues grave enough to require therapy.

With All Truthfulness,

The Diary

Postscript: That Slytherin was writing about you in his diary—excuse me, "journal", the subpar book cannot even accept its own name—the night before last. I gather that he is planning on "asking you out" tomorrow, but it is not meant sincerely. It is a form of cruel joke, I suspect. I do not know much about human relationships, but I would suggest turning him down cold. Note that I am only telling you because it would be cruel not to, not because you deserve it.


	18. My Apologies

**My Apologies**

Dear Diary,

You're right. You stopped answering, so I kept writing as I would in any normal (that is to say inanimate) journal. I suppose it just hadn't sunk in that you weren't… you know. So yes, I apologize. I will endeavor to treat you with a tad bit more respect, but you shouldn't expect too much. After all, I don't have much practice.

Also you may be interested to know that I made certain enquiries about protection and security spells. Madame Pince was most helpful. I think she's the only adult in this castle that likes me. I suspect that I'm also the only student she likes, or at least one of the few. It's odd, but there you have it. Professor Darkstorm is someone whom I'm not comfortable asking as of yet, but Flitwick did suggest some useful charms. I've already applied a few spells and more are coming. As for the owl, I have reported its owner to Prof. Flitwick and the student has been given a detention with Filch. A sixth year should know that owls aren't allowed in the dormitories.

On another note this is the first night in months that I've been entirely detention free! Professor Flitwick actually must have spoken to the other teachers! I still lost points though.

What would you like to be called, though? I'm rather partial to Welsh names, although I suppose Greek wouldn't be half bad.

I suppose I'll have to do some research.

I was going to use the scrying spell to spy on my estranged brother some more, but I can barely cast a lumos, my magical core is so depleted. So, I guess I'll have to wait for a while. It's disappointing, really. I do love to see my relations in misery. I was considering the option of sending them both threatening messages for amusement but the more I thought about it, the more is seemed like too much effort.

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me 'Miss Holmes.' I don't really have a reason. It just bothers me.

Could you go with Nat or Lia? My friend in America usually calls me Lia when she writes to me.

She sent me a letter yesterday. The person on duty outside the room I was in suffered from rather severe clawing. Her owl is a vicious one, especially when it's just come all the way from Salem. The sight of him frantically trying to get away and cower at the same time was good for a laugh at any rate. An him trying to defend himself by waving around that little red hat thingy that has a name I can't spell but that I have to wear—priceless.

-NHApril 21, 2014


	19. Alwin!

April 21, 2014

**Alwin!**

If it's alright with you, I think I'd like to call you Alwin. It's a very dignified Welsh name. I like Welsh names. Does this meet with your approval?

-NH


	20. You Are Not Who I Thought You Were

April 21, 2014

You Are Not Who I Thought You Were

Dear Nat (I would be more than happy to call you such),

I am truly glad that we have come to an agreement, for I think I would have disliked being alone. This, I know, is where our long and glorious partnership may begin, and I look forward to the future together. I accept your apology wholeheartedly and I believe that this is the start of something great.

I am glad to learn that you care for my wellbeing and that I will be protected from any more incidences and theft. I must thank you for making sure that wretched owl was justly punished, and I am sure that my existence will be much improved from here onwards. Somehow I knew even as you walked into that magic shop that we would be able to have a successful future. I always knew that somewhere inside you there was a considerate individual.

With My Best Regards,

Your Diary

Postscript: I think that Alwin is a wonderful, befitting name. I shall bear it just as I bear my lineage, and I shall do it with pride. With much thanks, sleep well, my new friend.


	21. Uhh

April 22, 2014

**Uhh…**

Alwin,

Well, that's good, I guess. However, I think you may have overestimated me. Nobody has ever before referred to me as considerate. There's probably a reason for that. I just really don't want to go trough the hassle of buying a new book. You have a lovely cover.

On another note, Pip(that's my friend) has a family nearly as difficult as mine. Well, that's not true. Ever since mine kicked me out they haven't been much of a hassle at all. Still, her younger sister isn't too pleased that Pip was the only one to inherit the ancient Salem abilities. You can almost feel sorry for the poor squib. Almost. No, actually, not really.

That Slytherin was planning my murder. He shot a pretty nasty curse at my back this morning. Put a bit of a damper on breakfast. It's a good thing I have military training. My magic reserve is still pretty low and I never would have been able to throw up a strong enough shield so I had to dodge.

Do you understand Trigonometry, Al?

-NH


	22. Edward Lupin is an Eternal Pain in my

April 22, 2014

**Edward Lupin is an Eternal Pain in my Arse—Also, I Hate Him With Every Ounce of my Being.**

Dear Alwin,

I cannot believe him! That pompous bastard thinks that because he can change the color of his hair at will, he's somehow automatically cool. Also, he uses absolutely every opportunity to gain sympathy and special treatment because he's an orphan and the godson of the wizarding world's savior, perfect Harry Potter. I FREAKIN' HATE THAT GUY!

Sorry, got a bit caught up in the emotions.

Anyways, today after lunch, he was blocking the Great Hall doors with his other annoying friends and was entertaining a large crowd of adoring fangirls with his marvelous checkered hair *queue sarcasm*. I was trying to get out to go back up to the common room to enjoy me free period (Well, in reality, I don't have free periods. I was going to write up a report on the dangers of touching unidentified objects then edit an English paper.) and I pushed past this this fourth year who was near the edge of the group. And Mr. Edward Lupin, Hogwart's golden boy, pipes up and says as loudly a possible, "Miss Holmes, I am appalled! You should be setting an example, not bullying other students! Is it your time of the month? Because you know, were all here to support you. You don't have to push us away." And then he pulled this fake sympathy face.

I had to work incredibly hard to repress my desire to cut him open and dissect him right there. Gosh, he is so….Ahhh! I'm totally going to find the time to publicly announce the teddy bear thing.

And then I got detention from the Headmaster—THE HEADMASTER!—for bullying younger students.

I hate him more than mere words can possibly express. I would have to learn Old High Gallifreyan to properly describe my feelings towards him. And then the words would disembowel him for me. Words of power are a beautiful thing. Of course, nobody actually knows Old High Gallifreyan anymore. Except for the Doctor, but he would never take the time or the risk to teach someone.

I wonder if I could get the house elves to give me a raw half of a cow to feed to the thestrals. I could use a nice, relaxing walk in the Forbidden Forrest.

-NH


	23. You Had a Poor Day I'm Sorry

April 22, 2014

**You Had a Poor Day. I'm Sorry.**

My Dear Nat,

I do think that you underestimate yourself. You can be a truly wonderful and compassionate person if you choose to be, and your friend is proof of that. I am sure that Miss Pip has excellent judgment if she has chosen you as your friend, and it just goes to show how blind and tasteless some people in this world can be. I think that I may have be overly harsh, as difficult as it is to admit. Some other diaries say that I can be a bit overbearing or pompous. The truth is that I, too, am not extraordinarily well-liked by the members of my own kind either. We are two of a pair in that regard.

I promise that from now on I will keep a proverbial eye out in the entries of some of the other diaries that are too free with their words. Not all of us can respond, but quite a few make no secret of what their owners write, like Edward "Teddy" Lupin's diary and that Slytherin boy's "journal". I would never share words that are not mine to share, but there are those that do not have such boundaries, and I will watch for those that intend to harm you. It is only fair after all of the thought you put into protecting me from dyspeptic owls and greedy house elves.

You know, I once did share a shelf with a Trigonometry textbook, but I fear that I do not have too good of a grasp on the subject. However, if I can help in any way, I would be more than happy to. I am also happy to report that I did not have any incidents today, and I do believe that those spells are working quite well. In other news, since you mentioned Miss Pip, though, I have been trying to get in contact with her diary so perhaps you may correspond with her that way. It may spare the unfortunate U.N.I.T personnel a rather severe mauling and quite a few shreds of lost flesh.

I must say the more I hear about this "Teddy" character, the more I disapprove him. How dare he make such commentary? It is indiscreet and rude, and it must have been absolutely mortifying to endure. He seems like a truly awful person and I cannot understand how a simple trick could make him any more likeable. Perhaps he is compensating for something. As for the "cutting up", I would like to suggest a letter opener in this case, as it would inflict quite a bit of damage. On a brighter side for you, I have learned his little animal is called "Mr. Snuffles". And on that note, at least his diary is quite the airhead, revealing far more than even I would ever want to know. In fact, I think I have been emotionally scarred by some of the things that I have learned about that boy.

Your Diary,

Alwin


	24. Let's Keep the Sappiness In Check

April 22, 2014

**You Had a Poor Day. I'm Sorry.**

My Dear Nat,

I do think that you underestimate yourself. You can be a truly wonderful and compassionate person if you choose to be, and your friend is proof of that. I am sure that Miss Pip has excellent judgment if she has chosen you as your friend, and it just goes to show how blind and tasteless some people in this world can be. I think that I may have be overly harsh, as difficult as it is to admit. Some other diaries say that I can be a bit overbearing or pompous. The truth is that I, too, am not extraordinarily well-liked by the members of my own kind either. We are two of a pair in that regard.

I promise that from now on I will keep a proverbial eye out in the entries of some of the other diaries that are too free with their words. Not all of us can respond, but quite a few make no secret of what their owners write, like Edward "Teddy" Lupin's diary and that Slytherin boy's "journal". I would never share words that are not mine to share, but there are those that do not have such boundaries, and I will watch for those that intend to harm you. It is only fair after all of the thought you put into protecting me from dyspeptic owls and greedy house elves.

You know, I once did share a shelf with a Trigonometry textbook, but I fear that I do not have too good of a grasp on the subject. However, if I can help in any way, I would be more than happy to. I am also happy to report that I did not have any incidents today, and I do believe that those spells are working quite well. In other news, since you mentioned Miss Pip, though, I have been trying to get in contact with her diary so perhaps you may correspond with her that way. It may spare the unfortunate U.N.I.T personnel a rather severe mauling and quite a few shreds of lost flesh.

I must say the more I hear about this "Teddy" character, the more I disapprove him. How dare he make such commentary? It is indiscreet and rude, and it must have been absolutely mortifying to endure. He seems like a truly awful person and I cannot understand how a simple trick could make him any more likeable. Perhaps he is compensating for something. As for the "cutting up", I would like to suggest a letter opener in this case, as it would inflict quite a bit of damage. On a brighter side for you, I have learned his little animal is called "Mr. Snuffles". And on that note, at least his diary is quite the airhead, revealing far more than even I would ever want to know. In fact, I think I have been emotionally scarred by some of the things that I have learned about that boy.

Your Diary,

Alwin


	25. Sappiness?

April 23, 2014

**"Sappiness"? You Wouldn't Know it if it Hit You in the Face!**

Come now, Nat!

I know what it is like to have such a poor day, and I thought perhaps my time would be better served not scolding you when you have really done nothing wrong. I can been a bit harsh, but I recognize a bad day when I see one and know that unneeded snark will not help. I thought a bit of sympathy was in order, but I see you may be under the wrong opinion. I may be quite capable of offering support (Not sappiness! Huge difference.), but it is not necessarily my first instinct, and I would encourage you not to get used to it! I can be quite pessimistic and chiding if the situation calls for it, so have no worries about the "sappiness" bit getting overused!

I do not know a great deal about this "detention" business, but I gather that it is a truly miserable experience. I have heard from other diaries that it is not enjoyable. I suppose it is a punishment, after all, and it is not meant to be pleasant. However, I am getting the impression that in your case it is assigned unfairly. Though bullying is a very severe offense, and one that I would not expect from one such as you. I would sincerely hope it is not true, for I strongly disapprove if so.

Regards,

Alwin


	26. Letter from Piper

April 23, 2014 **Letter from Piper**

Hey, Lia!

My owl is very upset with me for having to complete a round trip flight across the Atlantic and stay in Europe until today to deliver a second one, but I had to send some form of special letter to you, and frankly the little drama queen will live. He can be quite the actor when it suits his purposes: he'll probably flap in here shooting looks like he's being abused. Owls aside, I've missed seeing you, and life just isn't the same without being able to talk to you whenever I need to. I swear, you are the only sane person in this world, and sometimes I think your letters are the only thing keeping me from flying apart! I hope that you are doing a bit better at Hogwarts than I am, here in the states all alone. I was writing to wish you a very happy birthday today! Can you believe how long we've known each other? I was thinking about it the other day, and it's been at least a decade!

On my end, my parents are being even more oppressive and overbearing than usual: I'm practically worked to the bone trying to complete all of my classes and still have time to do anything else. I am trying to see if I can convince them to let me try out for a theater program, but frankly it isn't promising so far. They are always telling me that I am the sole heir to the Salem magic in our family and that I have a serious responsibility to maintain. I don't think that they understand how overwhelming it is, and sometimes I feel that my life isn't fair. My sister, even though she throws more tantrums, ends up with a lot more slack in the life department. She tried out for a role in the local drama group, and she's going to be playing the female lead in "Flowers for Algernon". I was really hoping to audition, but between extra classes and my parents' constant badgering, there is just no time. It's made me a bit moody lately. Well, moreso than usual, anyways!

Other than that, it's pretty uneventful here in Salem. Steady rain for the past few weeks, if that's any surprise. I don't even remember what green looks like; the fog hardly ever clears up enough to see it even if it was there. Everything here is so drab and colorless. Even the school uniforms are quite mediocre: mostly navies, blacks, and whites. The students all look like judges, or maybe lawyers. Do you think my parents would react well if I was considering a career in the paralegal field? They'd probably have a fit or go into apoplectic shock or something. On the bright side, they may get off my back for a while. Or murder me in my sleep. Well, you know, whatever works. What's more, they're trying get me to improve at riding a broom, but that's been quite a disaster. I just can't get over the fact that the only thing holding me up is a scrawny, temperamental household cleaning object. If I'm going to fly I'd much rather do it on my own terms without relying on a broom. I can say that a Quodpot scholarship is out of the question for me.

Anyways, how are things with you? Last I heard, Remus Lupin's son was giving you quite a spot of trouble. It's killing me not to know how things are going and only being able to communicate every couple weeks! I hardly ever get news from you anymore, but I hope things are good, or at least improving. Perhaps we see each other in the summer, with quite a bit of luck, but until then I can only hope this letter finds you well. I would send them more often, but my owl does the pouty brooding thing whenever I send them too close together. Seriously, I should be taking acting classes from the little prima donna.

In the meantime, I have so many questions! How is life at Hogwarts? Have you learned any spectacular new spells lately? Who is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year? Have you got a pet yet? It anyone bothering you? Have you got a crush? Are Slytherins really as mean as I've heard? How is your wand? Are there any fun events coming up? I could go on forever, but I'm sure that you have got more important things to do, and my parents are hassling me again to finish that essay about the use of cauldrons over the years. I really miss the old days when we could proofread each other's papers before submitting them for a grade. I'm sure that my professor would be very impressed if I included some information about how Europe contrasts. Oh well. Her loss.

At any rate, Happy Birthday! Mortimer should deliver a package along with this letter. I thought that maybe you could use a bit of funding toward…well, whatever you need. Sorry it wasn't anything else, but quite frankly shipping is a bear and very expensive. The banker was this scary-looking old woman who wanted to know in no uncertain terms why I needed to exchange money to ship if I wasn't going on vacation. Maybe I shouldn't say that; I'm sure she's a lovely person deep, deep on the inside. Maybe. I hope this helps, though! When summer comes I'm going to have to go over there (do you think my parents would buy "studying abroad"?) or you come to the states and we'll bake a gigantic cake that's half red velvet and half chocolate and then we'll exchange stories and stuff ourselves with sugar. Maybe we'll play a couple pranks on students or sic Mortimer on them. I think he loves inflicting pain on the unsuspecting passerby when he's in a bad mood. Then we'll go out to eat and go shopping, traveling around the world and having a grand old time suspending reality for a few days. Happy Birthday, Lia!

With All the Sincerity in the World,

Your Friend PiperApril 23, 2014


	27. Chapter 27

April 23, 2014

Alwin,

Yes, detention is supposed to be unpleasant, but the headmaster himself hardly ever deigns to supervise them himself. And it was weird. Just really, really weird.

And of course I wasn't bullying! I — Ugh! I don't even know how to respond to that suggestion.

Anyways, Professor Emrys asked me a bunch of questions about my 'home life'—as if I have one—and about whether or not I have friends or a boyfriend. And when I said I didn't have a boyfriend, he asked if I had a girlfriend. I was mortified! Then he tried to find out how emotionally scared I was from my parents disinheriting me. He seemed to get really frustrated after a couple of hours. It's not surprising, though, since I couldn't tell him anything about what I do over the holidays or on the weekends.

Hearing someone answer question after question with just their name, rank, and serial number has got to get annoying and repetitive. It definitely does when you're the one who has to say it. When he finally let me leave, I think he was about to write a letter to my parents. All the best luck to him, I say He'll need it if he doesn't want to get killed. Those people are seriously dangerous when they feel the need to be.

Learn any interesting secrets today, Al?

-NH


	28. Chapter 28

April 23, 2014

Nat,

I take it detention is unpleasant, and it is good to now that it was in fact undeserved. I would have been very disappointed if you had been bullying the younger students. It is a terrible, unjust practice that does nothing but harm to both parties. You will never get anywhere if you must put others down to do it. I do not understand why one would be in detention for no point. It seems rather foolish to enact a punishment when no offense has been committed. Your Professor seems to be a rather misguided gentlemen with hardly an inclination toward leadership.

I do not think it any of his business to be interrogating you in such a fashion. I mean, knowledge is important, but that seems more like prying. Although I must say that I find it amusing that you humans have such difficulties with opposite and same-gender pairings. It is times like this when I am glad to be a sentient object and not a sentient creature. How odd it must be to worry about such things as "love" and "commitment" when books and magical things do not. Although there are those that choose to identify with a particular gender and personal pronoun, which is rather unorthodox considering they would have no experience with it. However, I am not well-versed in the ideas of family, so I cannot understand why they would disinherit their offspring or why a professor would think it of consequence.

At any rate, I have been questioning quite a few diaries, as a matter of fact. Though I must admit it is rather difficult to discern what is "interesting" as far as secrets go. Books are so knowledge-oriented that only common sense can guide us as to what is inappropriate to share. There are many that gossip in frequency, but nothing comes of it because they cannot respond to their owners and pass on information. I have only met a few others with my capability, although many books are not sentient at all. More of a general "hive mentality" that excludes any book that is not in a magical place. I knew when you had such a conniption when I first spoke that I should not repeat anything from your reaction, but unfortunately most books do not have that boundary.

I have learned that there is a third-year Hufflepuff that got "pantsed" in front of the class, whatever that means. A girl named Amanda got chewing gum stuck in her hair in a gum-restricted area. A fifth-year Ravenclaw boy still sleep with a blanket and is afraid someone will learn of it. That same Slytherin boy is planning to get you into trouble for something again, and though it is unclear what it is, I believe it requires a hippogriff, shaving cream, raw meat, and pepper spray. There is a girl in your dormitory that thinks your hair looks very nice and is trying to find out what you use. I have learned much, but I think that you may need to specify what you want to know.

Best Regard,

Alwin

Postscript: Did you know it is Master Shakespeare's birthday today? He is quite revered in sentient book circles for his unique writing style.


	29. Chapter 29

April 23, 2014

Why are you lecturing me abut this? I was bullied plenty when I was younger and certainly know how awful it is. Anyhow, I don't blame Prof. Emrys. Not really. It wasn't his fault—it was Teddy's— and he was just doing his job. Teachers (and I'd assume to an even greater extent in boarding schools) are partially responsible for the wellbeing of their students. I'd assume that he was just trying to discover if something was wrong so that he could try to fix it. The fact that it was tedious and unhelpful for us both doesn't stop it from being generally brought on by good motives.

And thanks for the head's up about the creepy Slytherin. I'll watch my back. I don't think there's anything I can do for Elise, though. (I assume it's Elise who's interested I my hair since hers is such a mess.) My hair is like it is purely through natural means and muggle clarifying shampoo. My best suggestion for her is that she stop slathering her head with potions. They aren't helping. She wouldn't really take kindly to me saying something like that though, so… well, I think you catch my drift.

Now, if I can just get that stalker firsty and his elf off my tail…

-NH

And yes, I am perfectly well aware that I share a birthday with famous and talented playwright.


	30. Blunders and Birthdays

April 23, 2014

**Blunders and Birthdays**

Nat,

Excuse me, but if it was a just punishment I had every right to lecture. You just need to focus on being more concise and less touchy. Also, I am not to blame if I happen to be misinformed by your lack of clarity. You are trying to rant about things and cast them in a bad light, forgetting that I only know what is told to me and have minor experience with human affairs. Perhaps you should explain things better next time to avoid any misunderstandings. That said, I suppose it is not all your fault that you have not learned how to act around an object such as I. As they say, practice makes perfect.

You're welcome about the Slytherin, and I will make sure to keep an eye out. Though I can't imagine how such a myriad of unrelated objects can be used for a prank. It seems rather farfetched. As for the girl—it would make sense that her name is Elise, as I was certain that the unintelligible scrawl of her signature had some form of "E" in it—it is up to you to say something. "Don't shoot the messenger" would be the appropriate quote here, I should think. By the way, I did try to contact that first-year's diary, but I think it is speaking German or something and that I unintentionally insulted it.

It's your birthday, Nat? Well, happy birthday. Books do not make as big of a deal out of it, but I do understand it is important to humans. Is there anything that I can do for you as a gift? I gather that it is somewhat of a tradition amongst your kind.

Sincerely,

Alwin


	31. Chapter 31

April 23, 2014

Yeah, alright. I suppose I should spend a bit more time explaining things if I actually want you to understand. It's just that I'd actually have to write it all out and I have so much to write out already that sometimes the last thing I need is ore writing.

And you'd be surprised what can be done with odd assortments of objects. Most pranks are actually designed to include as many unrelated and odd objects and materials as possible.

And I don't celebrate my birthday much. It's not like being born was some great achievement. I do like knowing when it' official that I've lived a certain number or years and I suppose it's a rather important event to reach my majority ad come of age, but that only counts in one half of my life. I have to wait another year for the same thing in the non-magical world.

In other words, please don't make a big deal of it.

-NH


	32. Chapter 32

April 23, 2014

Given the fact that most of my thoughts are translated without a great deal of conscious effort, it may be difficult to grasp the idea of writing overmuch being a strenuous process. I suppose that I may need to work on such things as that, or simply "cutting you a bit of slack", as they say. As for the "birthday" business, I can honestly say that not "making a huge deal out of it" can be considered one of my specialties. Though if you do happen to think of something, I suppose you could let me know. If there is something in particular you want me to watch for, as an example. I doubt that there are many others who would give you anything (not to be offensive) so it is simply a polite offer.

In other news, I have almost succeeded at contacting Miss Pip's diary, though I am under the impression that it is called a "Book of Thoughts" or somesuch—I would venture to say—nonsense. I am having a bit of trouble that is not dialect-related as with the first-year's diary, but rather involving the book's secrecy. I theorize that it has something to do with the magical properties of the school that your friend is attending, or perhaps just its overly protective demeanor. I am quite certain that I have the right diary, but I am not sure how to reach it because it is making a rather effective effort to block me. Any thoughts?

Regards,

Alwin


	33. Chapter 33

April 23, 2014

Alwin,

You've probably made contact with her grimoire. Personal spell books are often used to write down thoughts about any number of things and are occasionally used as diaries with extra uses. However, they are almost always imbued with extra security measures to prevent the sharing of unregistered and/or unapproved spells and potion recipes and such.

I hear that they're all the rage in America right now. I'll mention your efforts to her when I reply to her latest letter.

-NH


	34. Scrying is Cool

April 23, 2014

**Scrying is Cool**

Al,

Sherl is in rehab! I never would have guessed that my dear brother would submit to something like that! I mean, I always knew that he would become a druggie, but I didn't think he'd ever end up in rehab. It was probably Myc's fault.

Gosh, I freakin' love the scrying charm! Really. Love it!

-NH


	35. Chapter 35

April 23, 2014

**Anonymous asked: Can someone help me with the common room door? I think the knocker is having a bad day, because it won't let me in, no matter how many questions I answer.**

You probably insulted the House or the founder. The knocker responds to things like that even if you're on the other side of the castle. Did you say that Rowena had a terrible dress sense or something? Just apologize. No one is going to be able to let you in if the knocker doesn't approve.


	36. Chapter 36

April 24, 2014

**Anonymous asked: What's your favorite Honeyduke's candy? What's your favorite color? Can I have a picture of you?**

Leave me alone! Stop sending me owls and for the love of Merlin and all things magical, stop ordering your house elf to follow me around! Don't you have homework to do? Geesh…


	37. Another Thursday

April 24, 2014

**Another Thursday**

Nothing much happened today. Just another Thursday. I think I may be coming down with something though. I feel like I could sleep for months. Ah well, no rest for the weary. Transfiguration homework awaits!

-NH


	38. Bleh

April 25, 2014

**Bleh**

Yes. Definitely sick with something. However, one of my symptoms is dizziness, so I think that if I try to go down 9 flights of stairs to the med-bay, no sorry, infirmary?, no, uh…, hospital wing, I'll probably brake break something and make the whole situation worse. So, I'm just going to sit here, in my bed, and not move. Yes. Maybe that creepy house elf will bring me some chicken soup.

-NH


	39. Time-Consuming Activities and Keeping Up

April 28, 2014

**Time-Consuming Activities and Keeping Up to Date**

Nat,

Contacting a grimoire certainly takes up a good majority of one's time. I believe I can finally understand the concept of mental exhaustion, and even moreso remembering the sheer multitude of those wards. When did you say you were going to speak with Miss Pip about it?

On another note, you have not mentioned either of your brothers in any detail before, and even that was only as a passing insult. Are they truly that insufferable? Obviously one is a substance-addict and the other is clearly a bad influence, but surely they must have some redeeming qualities. Speaking of redeeming qualities, how is your ultimate plot concerning Edward Lupin's small stuffed beast coming?

I apologize for not keeping in better touch. It is rather rude to ignore one's writer, but it was necessary, so you may as well accustom yourself to it.

Regards,

Alwin

Postscript: What does being sick feel like? I have heard that it is quite a miserable experience, quite like have mildew colonizing on one's pages. Are you doing any better? I seem to find myself quite out of the informative circle.


	40. Crazy Weekend UNIT Disaster

April 28, 2014

**Crazy Weekend/ UNIT Disaster**

So, this last weekend was eventful, if nothing else. Let me describe it for you, Al. I'm sure you'll get some entertainment out of it.

It started on Thursday, when I first became aware of the fact that I might be getting ill. I acquired a very distracting headache, a certain dizziness and loss of balance, a slight aching in my teeth, and an insatiable hunger, which was accompanied by everything tasting awful.

On Friday, the headache became pounding and the dizziness became incapacitating. At least in regards to stairs. I could walk, but I could not climb or descend. That proved to be a problem, when I was confronted with the reality of being six flights of stairs above the common room and an additional six flights of stairs up from ground floor of the castle. I decided to stay in bed. I could use the sleep anyway.

Apparently, Grace started gossiping with the boys in our year and someone told someone else that I was in bed, sick. That someone else then told another someone else in the presence of a professor. After lunch, I was greeted with the sight of one of the school nurses (I think they're called something else but nurses fits) and Prof. Flitwick entering my dorm. I was suddenly extraordinarily thankful that I decided to work on homework while I was stuck in my dorm room. I was working on math—that reminds me, I got a letter back from Mr. Jones. I'll have to stick that in here later—when they came in. I got to smirk happily when they didn't understand a bit of it either. Flitwick seemed shocked that I had such complex arithmancy homework until I explained that it was part of my keeping up with muggle school. Then he was shocked for a whole different reason and I got to smirk some more.

I don't get to smirk too often. It's nice.

Anyway, the nurse ran a whole array of diagnostic spells to no avail. She gave me a potion that was supposed to help (it didn't) and they managed to summon up some food. It didn't taste good, but it was food and I was starving. Then they left.

Early that evening, I got a pile of homework dropped in front of me.

So, I went to bed earlier than usual, didn't use my time turner because I was scared it would make my headache worse (it normally gives me a bit of a headache), and woke up later than usual on Saturday morning.

Now, here's where the real fun begins.

Saturday morning, I woke up at about the same time as everyone else. My headache and dizziness were just as bad as Friday. I got up, went to the bathroom, and managed to dig a granola bar and a juice box out of the bottom of my trunk for breakfast. Then I laid back down and stared at the ceiling. This was interrupted by an odd sound. I stuck my head out of the window, looked up, and saw a helicopter circling overhead. I thought I was hallucinating, so, trying not to panic, I made my way back over to my bed, sat down against the headboard, and tried to ignore it.

Less than an hour later, a breathless flying instructor made her way into the room and over to me. (I don't know her name, but I know that she teaches flying, referees quidditch matches, and walks me to the gates when I need to go into Hogsmead.) She told me that my guardian was worried when I didn't check in (nearly anyone from UNIT can claim my guardianship (I'm a ward of UNIT in general) and anyone picking me up for something does so. Most Hogwarts staff know very little about my situation.) and asked if I was alright. I decided that denial wasn't likely to yield any good results and told her that I felt dizzy and had a headache. She sent a patronus message to the hospital wing (what a stupid name. Just call it the infirmary!). In three minutes, another nurse arrived and did the same diagnostic spells as before, eventually giving me the same potion as before.

The flying instructor hurried away and the nurse went away again. I started doing some more homework. An hour later, McGonagall entered my dorm. Shortly after, Prof. Flitwick led six UNIT soldiers up. Needless to say, I was blushing furiously and hoping that it was all a very realistic nightmare. It wasn't.

I'll spare you the details of the glares they were sending me because they weren't even relevant in comparison to what happened later. I had to lean on Lt. David, but I made it down the stairs—all 12 flights! Can you believe it?—and all the way out to Hogsmead. I then got into the helicopter and traveled to the nearest base, which is somewhere in Scotland, but I'm not positive about where exactly it is. I haven't really bothered to put much effort into caring. Of course the medics on staff couldn't find anything wrong with me either. They gave me an antihistamine, but that didn't work.

Eventually, I ended up turning in my homework and reports. Immediately after, I was subjected to a half-hour lecture from my supervisor/CO person then five minutes of getting yelled at by her CO then I got a 15-min lecture from the base commander. All of which were about following procedure and letting people know where I am and working through the pain. Then I got told that my little problems were not their concern and I got to go clean out stalls and cages with a headache pounding worse than before.

I stumbled back up the stairs on Sunday evening, but only made it halfway. I collapsed on a couch in the common room and took the rest of the stairs in the early morning. I was an hour late to Transfiguration this morning and got a lecture from McGonagall.

I do feel better now though. Not great, but better. I only wish I could have seen the panic that swept through the school when a group of muggle soldiers marched onto the grounds. They had some trouble seeing the castle, but all UNIT personnel are trained against psychic attacks, so they are all highly resistant to muggle-repelling charms. There was apparently also quite the uproar in Hogsmead.

As for other issues, I sent a return letter to Pip two days after I received the one for her. I admit that it was negligent of me to not make a copy to store in here. I haven't gotten one back yet though. It may be that she is also having trouble communicating with her grimoire.

I'm not a pranker by nature and I've been having trouble coming up with anything awful enough to do to Teddy. I'm sure, however, that I'll come up with something quite soon.

My two brothers are much older than me. Sherl is nearly ten years older than me and Myc is a full eight years older than him. We've never been close. When our parents disinherited me, they felt no need to keep in contact. And how would they anyways? After all, as Myc is so fond of saying, "Caring is not an advantage." He lives by that.

I don't mind a bit of a wait. I'm sure you have better tings to do than listen to me all of the time. And being sick is being sick. I'm not really sure how to describe it. I think you may be able to get a fairly clear picture from my descriptions above, though.

Sorry. I know my writing is getting messier and less thorough, but my hand is cramping.

Sincerely,

-NH


	41. Chapter 41

April 28, 2014

Alwin,

You also may be interested to know that I've finally built back up my magical reserves to the point where I can equip you with another round of protection spells. It shouldn't take to long.

And don't overwork yourself.

-NH


	42. Anonymous Owl Chain Mail Letter

April 29, 2014

**Anonymous Owl Chain Mail Letter**

Hogwarts Students,

Edward Lupin, whom most of you know as Teddy, sleeps with a Teddy bear by the name of Mr. Snuffles.

Duplicate and send to anyone who may be interested, but do try to keep it away from the Gryffindors and the staff for as long as possible.

Happy 16th birthday, Teddy!


	43. Chapter 43

April 29, 2014

So, I realize that I'm horribly pathetic, but I did it anyways. Teddy was just SO annoying today! Goodness, I can't imagine anyone being more obnoxious or taking more advantage of their birthday.

So, I couldn't take it anymore. I finally convinced that house elf to bring me his teddy bear-don't ask me what I had to do to manage that—then I layered a bunch of complex charms and transfigurations onto it. It now has a large bow which changes color with the mood of the person nearest to it, it's entirely pink, it's about twice the size it was originally, and I says in a really sickly sweet voice, "Your Grandma loves you, Edward," every time it's touched.

It will take him months to decipher and pull apart those magical layers well enough to reverse any of the effects.

I'm sure that I should be feeling quite awful now, but mostly, I just feel rather satisfied.

On another note two professors and about a quarter of the student population are down with vanishing sickness. They should have read the ministry announcements.

-NH

* * *

_To see the ministry announcements, Follow 'Ministry of Magic' on facebook. There is a weekly post with relevant ministry-related information._


	44. Wednesdays are Dull

April 30, 2014

Wednesdays are Dull

Dear Al,

School was interesting today. I think there are roughly twice as many of the "Teddy has a teddy bear" notes as there are students. That wasn't something I expected. I didn't think it would actually turn out to be that popular. It was ruined, though, but Teddy creating nearly a quarter of those duplications and proudly displaying the pink bear for all to see with an enormous grin on his face. I'm afraid I don't quite understand how that happened.

Also, the teachers are all saying how miraculously disappointed they are in all of us and say that there will be severe consequences if the instigator is caught. I'm fairly certain I won't be caught since I used a generic spell to produce the writing.

I've been so focused on my other homework that I haven't had time to work on math. I have that letter from Mr. Jones and it looks like it will help, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. OWLS are coming up. That means there's going to be a whole nother round of career meetings so we can choose our NEWT classes. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It will mean more questions that I can't answer because my career isn't my choice.

I don't like Wednesdays much. They're normally quite dull.

There's a girl named Clara in the year above me. She's interesting. I think she knows more about muggle technology and computer science than all of the wizarding world and most of the muggle world combined. She was teaching a class in the common room yesterday. I happened to hear some of what she was saying when she was talking to one of the muggle-born guys. They were discussing stuff that I've only heard theories about while delivering coffees in the advanced tech areas of UNIT.

I just found it interesting. I wonder how she learned all of that stuff?

-NH

* * *

_Congrats to anyone who's getting the significance of Clara. Reviews and submissions are welcomed._


	45. Simply Responding in Turn

May 1, 2014

**Simply Responding in Turn**

Nat,

It seems that you have had rather the eventful week, in all obviousness. I gather that having the entirety of an organization dedicated to investigating strange phenomena turn up at a magical school is an oddity indeed. How interesting that must have been! I would give my spinal threads to have been present to see such a monumental event, as I doubt it has occurred ever before. To think, I am the diary of the one human who has caused the single most incredible historical event possibly in this entire century, how flattering. If it were not confidential, I would doubtlessly be the most spoken-of book in the librical world! Ah, it would have been extraordinary. To have such an distinction makes me akin to a deity among books, if only a secret one. I am truly honored. Even so, I should not wallow in it. That would be incredibly small-minded of me, and I should be quite above that. I would not want to be the portfolio in which all that paperwork is recorded, though.

In other news, I have looked over Miss Pip's letter—in explanation, I am more accustomed to absorbing what is written directly on my pages rather than stored between them, so I took the opportunity to in the past few days. It seems she has quite a strong magical stamp—what is you humans' speech equivalent? Fingerprint, I am fairly certain—and it has helped me at last establish contact with her grimoire. It may take additional syncing because of the distance, and magical differences, but with hope her book and I will be able to formulate a link in a matter of days or less. There is a bit of speech discrepancy and we are trying to iron out how the whole process will work, seeing as it has not been accomplished in quite a few years, but with a bit of luck I believe it will work out. I am sure that will be at least a bit of good news.

Most of the time, I do enjoy what you decide to write, but I do have other tasks to accomplish, and so I would suggest continuing not to take offense when I take a week to respond. Time works a bit differently in the book world, and it is one reason I am able to communicate at all with other diaries. Especially Miss Pip's grimoire, which has proved to be abnormally challenging since it is the first one I have met. Honestly, what were Americans thinking? It is nigh on impossible to converse properly with one without some form of difficultly. There are several compatibility issues in just the magic alone, not even elaborating into dialect, spelling, and effective writing.

Additionally, I must reserve a special thank you for bringing security spells back into effect. I think that house elf can smell when they are low or something. Honestly, the creature has no sense of propriety whatsoever; it should know that staring without anything more is impolite. Not only that, but the disturbing thing should know better than to snoop through other people's things.

I am sorry to hear that your plot regarding Edward has backfired in one of the worst ways. Though I think you will be pleased to note that almost every diary I have conversed with is convinced that their owners think that Edward Lupin is quite ridiculous. I believe they are just afraid to disapprove because they will be viewed as insensitive or "uncool" by the rest of the student body. Perhaps they are not all as bad as I originally thought. Though they are afraid to voice their opinions, and that I am skeptical of. It is times like this that I am doubly glad not to have been incarnated as a human creature. Quite the majority seem rather silly.

Regards,

Alwin

Postscript: Did you know that this Clara person keeps some form of journal? I do not think I have encountered the like before, and some of the script within it is quite peculiar.


	46. From Elise

May 1, 2014

**Anonymous asked: Hey, um, hi, this is Elise. I think your hair is looks really nice, like everyday. I just wanted to ask...how do you keep your hair so pretty all the time? I've tried everything and mine just never looks good. Mine always ends up all messy and lifeless, and I have a reunion to go to next weekend, and I want to look pretty for it. Could you just tell me: what's your secret?**

For goodness sakes, Elise, why are you sending me a note by owl? You're on the other side of the common room. I can see you from here!

Do you want my honest answers, or do you want me to try to make you feel good by saying your hair doesn't look as bad as you think?


	47. Chapter 47

May 1, 2014

Aw, Al, that's really sweet!

And it's actually quite comforting to know that other people think he's weird too. I'll write more later. History homework waits for no man. Ironic, that is.

-NH


	48. Note to Elise

May 2, 2014

**Note to Elise**

I will take your lack of response as indecision meaning that you'd know I was lying if I tried to be nice. I'll try to be blunt abut it then, rather than sparing your feelings.

DO NOT PUT POTONS IN YOU HAIR!

Just stop. I doesn't help anything. There are no spells or potions that can fix your problems. Find a moisturizing shampoo and both a rinse-out and a leave-in conditioner. Non-magicals know what they're doing in this department.

Actually, you probably don't know what I'm talking about. I'll meet you in the prefects' bathroom directly before lunch to help you out. You're unlikely to be caught associating with me, then.

-NH


	49. Chapter 49

May 2, 2014

During the week, I really miss youtube. I just want to listen to some music right now. Really, is it so hard to get something that's not "The Weird Sisters" or something equally creepy?

Anyways, I'm going to go to sleep now.

-NH


	50. Chapter 50

May 2, 2014

Dear Alwin,

Another exciting weekend with UNIT will begin tomorrow morning. I'm not sure what else to say. Just… stuff.

The dandelions are in bloom. Some of them escaped from the greenhouses and Prof. Longbottom was organizing groups of students to help him round them up over the weekend. I'm actually rather glad I'll be away. As entertaining as it could be to see, the sound of Gryffindor firstys screaming isn't exactly the epitome of relaxing. A tad bit irritating, actually, I'd imagine. And the roaring of lions—even plant lions—can become distracting.

There's a beautiful irony in that which has just become apparent. The school's lion cubs screaming in fear and pain at the hands of plant-lions. Ha!

-NH


	51. It Was a Dull Weekend

May 4, 2014

**It Was a Dull Weekend**

Dear Al,

As far as working at a secret organization can be, the weekend was dull. There were a few explosions, a couple of fires, quite a lot of screaming, varied roars, and a crashed alien spaceship to deal with. Overall, though, nothing really interesting. I made coffee, mucked cages, handed out food, and did some basic target practice and weapons training. They've developed a new zat-gun based on bits of alien tech and the tv show "Stargate". It's pretty cool.

I did get the chance to talk to my bishop, though. (In explanation, all UNIT employees are required to belong to a religious organization (it doesn't matter which one—just has to be organized) as religion has been know to increase mental stability.) That was mostly just awkward, but also mildly informative.

Also, Ianto Jones is a born teacher. Really. He's brilliant. I spent Saturday morning is a videochat thing with him and some of what he was saying actually made sense.

In other news, there's a boy in my year who's really, amazingly adorable. Seriously. It's making me reconsider wanting to stay at Hogwarts after my OWLs. I didn't want to stay any longer than necessary, but if I can stare at that guy during classes, it could be worth it. He's a prefect.

-NH


	52. Weekends Can Be Productive

May 5, 2014

**Weekends Can Be Productive**

Nat,

I am glad to hear that you had a rather exciting experience over the weekend, even if it was just a usual Hogwarts mishap. I must note, however, that I barely have any idea what you are talking about. I am only a book, you know, and am not too well-versed in the customs of secret organizations. You may want to keep that in mind. And for goodness sakes next time there is an escape of mythical creatures, would you kindly put me in a satchel or something? I nearly got mauled!

In other news, I have successfully connected with Miss Pip's grimiore, and I believe you two will be able to converse more efficiently from now on. It certainly took long enough. You are welcome.

The Diary,

Alwin


	53. Chapter 53

May 5, 2014

It wasn't what I would normally term as exciting. In fact, I distinctly remember using the word "dull." Ah, well. Opinions shall differ. And you've connected to Pip? How? I mean, how does that work, exactly?

A bunch of plants went up 13 flights of stairs and opened a drawer to get to you? That is concerning. I'll have to look into that. Somehow, if they're capable of that feat, I suspect that a satchel will do absolutely nothing.

Charms wasn't too bad. Potions was dull and mostly pointless. I have like 20 essays that I'm not going to write. I refuse to do work for something I can't have. Namely, a career of my choice. Also, if I could choose my own career, I really doubt that it would be in the wizarding world. There are some perk to a secret society of magic users, but not nearly enough.

I think that boy was watching me earlier. Do you think that's just wishful thinking? After all, I might have just had something on my face.

I want the school year to be over already.

-NH


	54. Tuesday of Nightmares

May 6, 2014

**Tuesday of Nightmares****-Real, Actual Nightmares**

Al,

I had another one of those damned prophetic dreams come true. I'd really hoped that that one was just a nightmare, but apparently that would have been too kind.

But no, despite all my hopes and prayers, there actually is a seventh year Hufflepuff who performs satanic rituals on a regular basis. And he actually did cut off a firsty's ear to use in one. And then he actually did get expelled. And he actually did banish all of the professor's clothes in some kind of sick revenge. Gosh, I hate being a seer! No one else had to see that and be frightened for their lives and for all humanity and permanently scarred TWICE!

I want to burn out my eyes!

Also, I got a whole mountain of Transfiguration homework. Ugh.

-NH


	55. Chapter 55

May 6, 2014

So, Al,

I'm supposed to practice my eye-to-hand skills by manually copying things. You don't mind if I draw in here, do you? I found a really cool picture in a storybook.

-NH

* * *

_To see the sketch (which I actually did draw myself), check out my tumblr blog, under the same title and username as this story._


	56. Chemistry is the Definition of Misery

May 6, 2014

6PM

**Chemistry is the Definition of Misery**

Alwin,

I hate Chemistry. Really, really hate chemistry. And that's all transfiguration is, when you break it down. You know what I'll be dropping after my OWLs? Transfiguration. Because it's just an extension of chemistry. Stupid, bloody chemistry!

Do you know how difficult it is to visualize exact chemical reactions and one element rearranging itself into another clearly in your head while you execute extraordinarily precise wand movements and try to remember incantations? And the there's the added distractions of all the imbeciles giggling and being obnoxious all around you because they don't have a deep enough understanding of the world to need to visualize what they're doing. They don't have a clue what it is they're changing, so it just happens.

Its—very frustrating.

-NH


	57. Chapter 57

May 6, 2014

I was going to the library and I just saw a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Nathan Stark. You know. The recently deceased head of Global Dynamics. Actually, you probably don't know. It doesn't really matter, though.

Back on topic, it really freaked me out. It's not like I'm upset by ghosts—I talk to dead people multiple times a week. The thing is, he wasn't a ghost. I think he's dating the astronomy professor. I wonder if he didn't actually die. That would be a bit of a pity. He was a terrible person by many definitions. Possessed a very grating personality.

-NH

I think I may have gotten my pronouns a tad confused, but I'm sure you caught my drift.


	58. Chapter 58

May 7, 2014

I wonder if I actually would have been happier in Slytherin.

That guy (who is definitely dating the astronomy prof.) is here to teach interested seventh years about muggle technology. I saw him carrying a GD tablet. I am thoroughly freaked out.


	59. Chapter 59

May 7, 2014

The scrying spell is like the next best thing to tv. I just watch Sherl banging his head against a wall yelling "BORED!" over and over again for 10 minutes then saw Myc get on a treadmill, run for 5 minutes, then get off panting and eat a slice of cake. It's all the worst of reality tv and I love it! I think I need a hobby. Then again, I don't have time for that. I don't have time for what I do already.

-NH


	60. Chapter 60

May 8, 2014

Ancient Runes isn't that bad of a class. I might even say that it was my least hated.

I did some runes homework today, if you didn't guess. I didn't do anything else. I'm feeling a bit depressed today. With a complete lack of motivation.

-NH


	61. Chapter 61

May 8, 2014

On the topic of that creepy Stark-look-alike guy, he's leaving at the end of the week. At least people say he is. Well, I overheard Clara Oswald saying he is. Somehow, she managed to get into the classes he was teaching, despite only being a sixth year. She was going on and on and on and on and—well, you probably get the point I'm trying to make here—about how amazing the computers he had were.

She actually managed to get one of the laptops and has been trying to create a magical interface. There's about 30 people gathered around her "helping" in the common room right now. I also caught a glimpse of a suspicious-looking letter (suspicious in that it was actual paper and bore the letters "GD" and the word "Eureka") sitting next to her. I think she may have gotten a job offer.

I'm not jealous. Or envious. I swear. I'm not.

-NH


	62. Chapter 62

May 8, 2014

And I think I'm going to bed now, Al. They got limited access to the internet and the squeals are becoming a bit much. I wonder how long it will be before the thing blows up. It took mine 12 minutes after I got it working for the first time several years ago. They're going on 23 now. Anyways, as long as the tower doesn't burn down because these idiots don't know how to put out an electrical fire, I should be fine.

-NH


	63. Chapter 63

May 9, 2014

**interdimensionalhitchhiker84**** asked: Assume there was a top-secret organization specializing in "weird" and they had a spy, who just so happened to be a 16-year-old girl, inside a school which is on no official records and cannot be found on a map. This organization is blackmailing this girl into working for them and she has no family or friends to turn to for help. How would she go about getting herself out of the situation? What would you suggest she do?**

prof-jamesmoriarty:

Finally something not boring… Thank god this isn't my organization,only a pussy would black mail a 16-year old. First know your contacts inside the network. Second know your information. Third grow, gain power, Fourth take the power and claim your freedom love. Easy.

So I found this guy—a math professor at university in London—who's supposed to have control over the entire criminal world in that city. I figured, "what the hell, maybe he has some advice," and I sent him a letter.

The answer was a bit vague but helpful. I think.

-NH


	64. Chapter 64

May 9, 2014

Alwin,

There's a smoky haze in the common room. Also, there's a large scorched mark where people were "working" last night. Oddly, there's no one around now. I wonder how much that laptop cost. Quite a lot, I'd imagine.

Breakfast awaits!

-NH


	65. Chapter 65

May 9, 2014

I heard someone say the creepy guy's name was Anthony Mark. For some reason, that sounds oddly suspicious. Not sure why that sounds suspicious to me. It just does.

So, I can't get detentions anymore for turning in my essays in written with a pen rather than a quill, but I can get them for not turning in anything at all. I have a week and a half of them built up now.

And I am SOOO BORED!

BORED!

Damn. I sound like Sherl.

I'm going to go dive into the lake. Maybe Pebbles will go with me. The younger kids all get this beautiful look of either absolute jealousy, awe, or terror when my ghost duck follows me around.

-NH

* * *

_You know, because Nathan Stark was based off of Tony Stark and Tony is short for Anthony and Mark rhymes with Stark. Ah, yes. All jokes become so much funnier when they're explained. _

_Okay, I'll stop talking now._

_Review? Submission? Follow?_


	66. Update on Friday

May 9, 2014

**Update on Friday**

So, I gave in and did some math homework. Mr. Jones will be pleased when I see him tomorrow. I did quite a lot of it. And I almost understand some of it.

The cold frigid water of the lake jolted me out of my funk somewhat. And Pebbles was quite comforting. Anger at Teddy did quite a lot more. I came out of the water, shivering, to see him sweeping over the water on his broom, giggling, pointing, and being generally infuriating. I went to the kitchens after that, ate quite a few chips and some biscuits, then went back up to the common room to grab some homework. I took the stuff up to the highest floor in the main castle, settled myself in front of a window, and went to work.

I need to do something with my hair. It's getting quite heavy.

I also spent about an hour scrying random people I remembered from who-knows-where (most of them were probably people I'd met in primary school) until I found someone who was watching Pinky and the Brain. That was remarkably entertaining. I should do that more often. This place really needs a tv. And electricity.

I got an interesting reply from the uni professor I sent a letter to. I stuck it in here, but I know you have trouble reading that stuff, Al. Apparently, he's not a math professor anymore. That was disappointing, but I still have Ianto Jones, so I guess it's not really a problem. The plan he gave me will take forever. I think I'll probably spend most of my weekend gathering intel and forming schemes.

I'm not sure what UNIT has planned for me to do but there's a big scheduling meeting, so I might be able to wiggle my way into the annual convention in America. I'd love to see Pip. Plus, some of the higher-ups don't like to let me out of their sight, so they frequently let me go to things like that. It's a definite advantage. I think some of them are scared that if they leave me with too little supervision, Myc will swoop in and do something drastic. We've never been close, but Myc never did approve of me getting thrown out of the family. I have to not hate him for that.

I wonder if I could visit Eureka, OR while I was there. I hear they have a really cool magic community where it's basically just an open version of the department of mysteries. They're trying to create a wizarding internet.

In other news, that creepy first year finally called off his elf. It may or may not have had something to do with me deducing his life story and telling him that his "father" was really only his great-uncle. Pure-blood family trees are so much fun. Especially when you throw in a good helping of infidelity.

'Night Al!

-NH


	67. MAUVE ALERT!

May 13, 2014

**MAUVE ALERT!**

There's a mauve alert!

Shoot! Darn! Ahh!

There is a mauve alert echoing through the galaxy!

Just thought you might like to know. You know, just in case all of us die and you never hear from me or anyone else ever again.

-NH

This started sunday, btw. I slept through yesterday. Tell you about it later. If we live through this.


	68. Chapter 68

May 16, 2014

**the-ravenclaw-record**** asked: Thank you so very much for alerting me to the sticker on my notebook! I really didn't even notice anything was off! It was really nice of you to give me advice too! -Rowan**

Uh.. sure. You aren't going to start following me around are you? It's just that there's already a third-year who does that and it's super annoying. If you need anything, though, I guess you can ask. The prefects might be more useful, but they're also stuck up…

Is this owl yours? It was a good choice, regardless. Although, to be honest, I think nearly any owl would have produced the same results. Watching grown men in uniform fall to the ground in fear at the sight of a bird carrying a note definitely brightened my day. Thanks for that.

-NH


	69. Chapter 69

May 17, 2014

Well, the entire galaxy was in danger, there's a large stretch of time where I don't remember a thing, and I missed a week of magical classes. I also skipped a week of detentions. Oops. On the plus side, while recovering on base, I figured out how to copy pictures and videos from my computer screen and paste them into my diary. I did not do this alone, though. I wouldn't want to look like I was taking all of the credit here. No, a magic technician helped.

Still, I think I'm going to have fun with this. I'll also be having quite a lot of the opposite of fun when I have to make up those detentions.

And yes. I do still plan to tell you all about it later.

-NH


	70. Chapter 70

May 17, 2014

[gif of McKay from Stargate Atlantis. First panel: "Hey, at least I didn't declassify Pluto from planet status." Second: "Way to make all the little kids cry, Neil." Third: "That make you feel like a big man?"

I feel the need to share this with you, Al. I found it on the internet. It's from my favorite sci-fi show. I love my new magitech abilities! McKay is such a cool character. Gosh, being an actor must be awful. I'd never want to be an actor. I'm grateful to those who do become actors though. It gives the rest of us something to enjoy.

-NH

* * *

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	71. Last Week

May 18, 2014

**Last Week**

Dear Alwin,

So I'm writing this while pretending to do paperwork, but don't worry about anything. You've got so many protection spells that so one can do anything to you, even if some one realizes I'm not doing my job. I haven't had much chance to write earlier than this, but you have been kept in a safe place.

Tuesday morning, I had just gotten back to Hogsmead after it was decided that I really shouldn't be a part of a large issue involving a small war between four alien races, a small fleet of empty dalek vessels, and a whole galaxy full of panicked civilians. I was injured quite early Saturday afternoon and we all thought it would be a quick recovery. And when I say injured, what I really mean is I was stunned by two guns at once and then fell onto a desk, slamming my wrist into the corner. It should have been a fairly quick recovery. It really wasn't that bad, actually. I did miss all the action, but there's a certain exhilaration that comes from knowing you slept through a whole two days of work you should have been doing and knowing that someone you most likely dislike had to do it for you.

Anyways, I got back to Hogwarts because my superiors thought it would be safest for me here. I was mostly recovered and I had class in a few minutes, so I scribbled down a small warning as quickly as I could before I had to shove you into my bag and rush off. The battles and problems were still going on, but class waited for no—well, not for me. I was on the main floor and about to dash down into the dungeons for potions when I suddenly felt like I was getting hit by those stun blasts all over again. I don't remember anything after that. I'm told I passed out. Needless to say, I missed potions.

So, somehow, I ended up back on base and spent another few hours asleep before I woke up, got told a load of medical technobabble I couldn't understand, and was forced to stay "under observation" for the rest of the week. All the alien mess was sorted out by thursday, but I wasn't a part of any of it. There is a lot of backlogged work that needs to be done now that the crisis is over and that's what I'm supposed to be working on. Hopefully, I'll be allowed to go back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Not that I like it there—it's just that I really don't much fancy staying here for too long. There's a lot of dull work and a lot of homework and the doctors keep poking me.

There was a lovely incident a couple days ago, though—I keep losing track of time; the days are all running together—when a random firsty sent me a letter. Apparently I'd pointed out that she shouldn't listen to gryffindors sometime last week. She seemed surprisingly grateful. Most of the time, people aren't grateful for my advice. They usually say or do rather impolite things. That's not really important, though. The good part is how all of the UNIT personnel responded.

The owl came in through a window. It was an incredibly plain owl—not intimidating in the least. As it swooped through the building, though, I heard several girly screams and the sounds of at least 15 soldiers dropping to the ground. Then it landed on the edge of the coffee cup tray I was holding. I took the note, it calmly waited for a reply, I handed it over, and it calmly flew away. I don't think I've ever seen a more unperturbed bird. It really made my day. I love seeing soldiers scared by ordinary things like that.

I'll admit, I was rather disappointed to see you hadn't responded at all while I was away. Are you alight? I do worry about you, Al.

I'll write more later,

-NH


	72. Chapter 72

May 18, 2014

Al,

So, yes. According to my 'superiors,' I do get to go back to school in the morning. Sarcastic Yay! All those angry professors to deal with. It'll be great.

At least my torture here will be over for a full five days. Doctors really like prodding me for some reason. Maybe someone forgot to tell them that I'm not actually an alien.

-NH


	73. Chapter 73

May 18, 2014

[picture of aglets]

Wizards don't have these, Al. Thankfully, my wonderful, comfortable boots do. I don't know what I'd do without my boots. My boots with steel toes and aglets.

* * *

_Once again, for full content, including pictures and gifs, visit the blog. interdimensionalhitchhiker84 . tumblr . com. Submit things! Leave your comments! I love them!_


	74. Chapter 74

May 19, 2014

Have I said that I hate chemistry lately? No, I don't think I have. I hate chemistry. With every bloody ounce of my bloody being. I want to rip out its very essence and feed it to a sea of dementors. Chemistry. It's like a curse word. I hate it.

-NH


	75. Chapter 75

May 19, 2014

So, I did some stress eating, stared at my chemistry book for a while, screamed in frustration, and stole someone's cat to pat. I don't really want to re-live my wonderful meeting with Prof Flitwick this afternoon. Maybe I'll tell it to you later. I think I'm going to call it a night.

-NH


	76. Chapter 76

May 20, 2014

So…I've got three consecutive detentions tonight. The first should be thoroughly miserable. In about 15 minutes, I'm scheduled to be in the dungeons scrubbing floors. The second is with Professor McGonagall. That'll be miserable too. It's writing lines. The third shouldn't be too bad, though. Flitwick is going to be "supervising my homework completion." I think I'm going to do my math and English and normal History homework instead of my magical stuff just to irritate them. Should be an interesting experiment.

I'm actually really shocked. That Stark-creepy-look-alike guy came back with a couple of other guys and worked with a group of students and the Muggle Studies prof and actually got usable wifi up and a protective barrier around some of the unused classrooms where tech can be used safely. It might not hold, but for now, there are groups of students frantically writing home for laptops and cellphones and pooling money for Netflix accounts. It's pretty amusing. I can't wait to see it crash down around their heads, but it will be helpful while it lasts.

Alright, I'm going to have to run now.

-NH


	77. Chapter 77

May 20, 2014

Al,

My experiment was all I had hoped it would be and more! I now have quite a lot of very interesting new data to work with. However, I am thoroughly exhausted and am going to go fall asleep now.

Goodnight my dear friend. My diary. My ever listening book. Wherever you are, I hope you are okay. Goodnight Alwin. Good night.

-NH


	78. Chapter 78

May 21, 2014

Yay! More detentions! Let the fun begin! Actually only two tonight. Still, it'll probably be dull as hell. I'm going to see if Flitwick will let me work in one of the newly tech-proofed classrooms with my laptop. He almost definitely won't, but it's worth a try.

On a truly bright note, doing all these lines is a perfect opportunity to learn how to write with my left hand. It's such a hassle being right-handed. Soon, I shall be ambidextrous!

-NH


	79. Soon, I Will No Longer be So Limited

May 22, 2014

**Soon, I Will No Longer be Limited by my Right-Handedness!**

Alwin,

Yesterday in detention, McGonagall yelled at me for five minutes straight for not writing neatly. However, the last lines were much neater than the first ones. I'm actually making progress! Ambidextrous me, here I come!

As for the session with Flitwick, he did not let me use one of the tech classrooms, but he said he'd consider it for today. That's very encouraging, actually. We'll see what happens. The experiments about his ultimate breaking point from sheer annoyance are ongoing. I think the fact that he doesn't understand my trigonometry and chemistry or any of the muggle history bothers him more than that I'm not doing my magical homework. Oh well.

I'm off to find something to eat now before more left-handed lines with McGonagall. I'm really starved and I'm not sure why. Doesn't really matter though, in the grand scheme of things.

Once again, I really am worried about you. I don't think there's anything I can really do, though. I'll ask Flitwick if he has any ideas. Be safe, my friend.

-NH


	80. I'm Seriously Intrigued by Architecture

May 23, 2014

**I'm Seriously Intrigued by the Possibilities of Architecture**

So, detentions are over for the week. As are classes. Well, magical classes. Well, you know. I have to go back to the UNIT base tomorrow. Depressing.

Flitwick didn't have any ideas about why you aren't answering. Or any relevant suggestions. He did suggest maybe doing my homework if I want to have a career in life and took it upon himself to motivate me. I think. He gave me a bunch of tasks, forced me to do them, had me rank them by which ones 'made me the most happy' and then handed me three books on magical architecture. It's odd, but they actually look really interesting. And to become an architect, I just need to get NEWTS in charms, transfiguration, runes, and arithmancy. I'll also need to go through some other special training and I'll need to pass OWLS in some other areas, but that certainly brightened my mood. Which is…unexpected. I'll never get to actually follow through, but I'm going to go for it anyways. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to convert my UNIT quarters into a castle.

The wind tonight is delightful. I opened my window and stuck it open and it's keeping all of my dorm mates out of the dorm. It's amazing. I feel really energized. I actually did a few cartwheels earlier, but then I put my hand on my hair and that hurt so I stopped. And put my hair back up. It's really annoying when it falls down like that. Anyhow, it's lovely weather and it's going to start raining soon. Then there'll be thunder and a fourth year boy will scream like a little girl and a first year will pee their pants. A bit more information than I wanted, but I don't get to choose what I see.

So Al, if you're reading this, just know, that this entire phrase is written with my left hand. Just that last sentence, mind you. I'm improving! Also, I am concerned and I really would appreciate any kind of response. My friend, please. For me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Or if there is something wrong.

I'm going to do some arithmancy homework now. Okay.

G'Night, Al.

-NH

Also, watching Sherl is getting depressing. I think Myc might actually make him stay there for months. Possibly years. I'm feeling major pangs of sympathy. And I actually kind of miss my brothers. I know that it's been years, but after seeing them through the scrying spell, it's brought up old feelings. How do you think Myc would respond to an owl?


	81. Your Worries Are a Mere Pittance

May 25, 2014

**Your Worries Are a Pittance in Comparison with What I Have Had to Endure**

Nat,

I can see that my absence has caused quite the stir for you, and for that I would like to say one thing. It was not my fault. The librical world is in an absolute uproar. Apparently there are reports cropping up all over the world of magic-users who are hunting down sentient books. Some cult that originated in the Netherlands has evolved into a formidable force against books, and diaries in particular. For what purpose, we cannot deign to understand, but it was clear that these rogues had some nefarious motive for their schemes. The elder circle of books called a counsel and it was decided that all sentient and non-sentient books were to go into a hibernating state until it was deemed that they could not track us down by our responses to our writers.

The ban on communication was lifted only a few hours ago, and even then extra security measures were taken. I am afraid I am not able to go into more detail, or else risk breaking several of the codex regulations. Suffice it to say that the issue of the book hunters is still at hand, but it is no longer an immediate threat, so do not press the matter. I do know that Miss Pip's grimiore was likewise affected by the warning, so it is quite the far-reaching problem. I have the suspicion that the alert you received and this new complication may have some sort of connection.

I would elaborate, but the counsel has warned against entries that are expressly long. It may be the case that the danger will return, alerted by our ability to respond.

The Hesitant Diary,

Alwin


	82. Alwin

May 26, 2014

**Alwin!**

Alwin, you're alright! Thank goodness you're okay! I do have to run to class though, sorry. Let me know if there's something I can do.

-NH


	83. Unexpected Detention Incident

May 28, 2014

**Unexpected Detention Incident**

Finally, a free period! Well, not really, but the second half of my English paper can wait a few more minutes. School has been brutal these last couple of days, especially with the constant detention/study periods. I did finally convince Flitwick to let me use the tech room Monday. That was fun.

There were many little clusters of students in there, mostly made up of a non-magical-born or two surrounded by a bunch of pure-bloods and magical-raised half-bloods. When I pulled out my laptop, I was suddenly surrounded by my own group, though I haven't got a clue how they got there so fast or why they'd want to be that close to me. Flitwick was buried under the group of students. That was a laugh.

Anyways, I turned on my laptop, checked my e-mail real quick before Flitwick got himself unburied, then brought up un unfinished history thing to cover it. I worked for a bit, completely ignoring all questions from anyone who wasn't Flitwick. I ignored most of those too, but I did tell him that the project had to do with air pollution in western Europe and told him that I was using Microsoft word which was much better than any spell-check quill. I also told him that google was a search-engine and that the library should set up something similar.

The really awesome thing that happened though, didn't occur until I'd been online for about 40 minutes. I was turning up my music again, trying to block out the incessant babbling of the second year sitting next to me, and I heard a voice. I looked down and there was the video chat window. It had popped up and was flashing on my taskbar. Obviously, I was curious, especially when the voice spoke my name. My first and last name. I scrambled to hit pause on my music, smirking at the price UNIT was having to pay for me to create my own hotspot like that for Pandora, and brought up the window. "Ianto?" I said. And he smiled and said, "It's not Saturday morning." I was a bit shocked and said nothing. Then he raised his eyebrows and looked behind me, asking who the other people were.

I recovered quickly and told him that I was in Hogwarts and there were a bunch of students staring at my computer. He found it very entertaining and in a matter of minutes, I got pushed to the side a bit and he was happily laughing and answering ridiculous questions from Flitwick and students.

That was a little odd, but it got much worse. After about ten minutes, Captain Harkness came over and interrupted. Now, Harkness has interrupted my tutoring sessions before, but he usually gets bored very quickly, says little or nothing to me, and just kisses Ianto (Ew) and walks away. But this time, that was not the case. No, he was immediately interested in the great many people on the computer screen and got into an in-depth conversation with a fifth-year slytherin about tactics. Eventually, that spiraled down into a meaningless mess of symbolism, innuendo, and stuff I couldn't understand.

When I finally got back my computer, it was 15 minutes past the end of the session and I was quite frustrated. I said a quick "see you Saturday" to Ianto, closed out of the window, shoved the thing into my bag, and walked off.

Now this gets even more interesting, though. I was down the second corridor when that slytherin caught up with me! Can you believe that?

Anyways, I need to look like I'm working for a little while. I'll tell you that story later tonight.

-NH


	84. An Odd Proposal

May 28, 2014

**An Odd Proposal**

Okay, so I finally got out of tonight's detentions—can you believe that a few weeks ago I thought the endless years of them might finally be at an end?—and here I am. Picking up where I left off, that fifth year slytherin caught up with me in the hallways. He ran up behind me (He runs like I do. Gracefully, with a good dash of drama.) and lightly touched my bag strap. I stopped and turned in time to see him say "Natalia?" I gave him a semi-intimidating look.

He cleared his throat gently (I was impressed by his calm. Most people get uncomfortable when confronted with that look.) and started again. He said, "I have a proposal which could be mutually beneficial."

I raised an eyebrow questioningly. Yes, I do know what my facial expressions indicate. I have to if I'm going to operate without suspicion in the normal world.

He indicated an empty classroom. I followed him in.

Now, what he proposed was basically a form of a business agreement. He suggested that I am incredibly intelligent, have access to the internet, have powerful connections outside the school, and am able to enter Hogsmead every weekend. He had lots of very rich friends who could use these things. He mentioned several classmates who would like access to muggle textbooks and mentioned that basically the entire school would pay nearly anything for regular notebooks and a steady supply of enchanted ballpoints.

He then pointed out that while I had the products, I lacked the people skills. He's right. He said that he had the skills and connections inside Hogwarts and could act as a go-between. We could split any profits.

The last part of his 'mutually beneficial proposal' was the most interesting. It was also the most objectionable, but we'll get to that. He said that if we were to do this as is, people would be suspicious, but if we were to be dating, people would see it as perfectly reasonable and go along with it. The one comfort in all of this was that he didn't actually want to be dating me. He did, however, want the profits that could come from the arrangement.

He's probably handsome. I sometimes have trouble telling.

The thing is, as much as I dislike the idea of 'being a couple' with anyone, I could pull this to my benefit. I could give him part of my share of the profits in exchange for a group of people willing to occasionally do my bidding.

I processed all of the information and quickly agreed. It will take a bit of time to get it all set up and operational, but I'm letting him handle all of the business. Saturday, he'll be giving me a list of things to get in Hogsmead and the money to buy them. We'll see how it goes.

I never did catch his name. I guess I'll need to work on that.

-NH


	85. Chapter 85

May 29, 2014

So, I had a very bland morning. Lots of class and homework and mindless dull droning that I wasn't paying attention to. That slytherin has taken to sitting next to me at meals. He says it improves our dating story. He says things, but I tune them out then delete what slips through. It's all very dull. That's why I'm not at lunch today.

At breakfast, he slid onto the bench next to me, talked a bit as he ate, then when he stood up to leave, kissed my cheek. I wasn't sure how to react, so I didn't. It was awkward.

So, rather than deal with it, I grabbed an apple from the kitchens and found a nice spot on the grounds to write.

It didn't work. He's walking towards me.

-NH


	86. Kevin His Name is Kevin

May 30, 2014

**Kevin. His name is Kevin.**

Finally, another break from classes. That slytherin and I created a relationship contract. I think that set some manageable boundaries. Hopefully he'll stop trying to talk to me quite so much. His name is Kevin. I'm writing it down here so that I can delete it. Alright, back to work. That transfiguration essay won't write itself. I'm doing my homework again, by the way. Not all of it, but some of it. I'm doing the assignments that will actually help me learn. Not the other ones. And then I only turn in a few of the ones I do do. The teachers hate it. It's hilarious. And since I'm already doing two detentions a night most days, they can't give me any more.

-NH


	87. Skivving

May 30, 2014

**Skivving**

This afternoon was fun. I skipped my last class and spent the time creating a working, moving model of a star system I've been studying for UNIT stuff. It looks really great. It took a lot out of me, but it was definitely worth it. Unfortunately, I lost track of time and I also missed dinner and my detentions. Oops. That might be a problem later. Thankfully, I get to go away from this castle for the weekend. And I'm actually going to get Saturday off work as well, so I'll get to actually spend a bit of time in town.

Life is looking up.

Well, it's looking sort of up for me. Not so much for Sherlock. I just looked in on him and what I saw…wasn't pretty. He's really going crazy in that place. I wish I could help. Though to be honest, he brought it onto himself. He never should have let Myc know that he was doing drugs. If he'd kept ahold of it, he wouldn't have landed in that…place.

-NH

* * *

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_Thanks for reading!_

_-MP_


	88. OWLs Have Begun

June 2, 2014

**OWLs Have Begun**

Finally got through my Charms written exam. Potions written starts in 9 minutes. So dull. I have no doubts that I will do fine on all these exams. I mean, come on! I opened the book! That's plenty if you have well-developed memory.

Anyways, I'm writing because I'm a bit bored. Also, I want to experiment with a wizarding radio to see if it can pick up muggle signals. I'll be doing that over lunch. It'll be practice for the Charms practical. Sort of.

-NH


	89. Chapter 89

June 2, 2014

The charms exam is done and the potions one is about half over. I'm waiting for my potion to finish brewing. It'll be a half hour, so they're giving us a break. On the way here, I saw a fourth year ask a younger student how they got away from the company picnic. Do you think I might be hearing things? Maybe I took more of that…study aid… than I thought. Or maybe it's just a really weird and unrelated to me comment that I should ignore.

-NH


	90. Chapter 90

June 2, 2014

By the way, my potions exam is done. Nothing more 'till tomorrow. So, I'm studying. That's what people do, isn't it?


	91. Interesting Results

June 2, 2014

**Interesting Results to my Charms Experiment**

So, Welcome to Night Vale, when played through a magical radio, has some…interesting effects. I got it to play at lunch, which was really exciting because I got to hear the latest episode before the weekend after it aired. A few people were staring and listening in various stages of shock, awe and diggust. Now, though, there's a group of about 40 students, mostly Ravenclaws, who are cheerfully handing out pamphlets that say 'Believe in a Smiling God' and various other sayings designed to increase productivity and public support of Strex Corp. I'm concerned, but not concerned enough to stop it or inform any of the professors why they're doing it. It's quite entertaining, if eerie. And all the profs being busy with exams is making this all that much better. I doubt they've noticed.

What's more concerning is that Strex Corp thought they could get away with threatening to kill Khoshekh's kittens and cut down the whispering forest. I mean that's crossing a line. A serious line.

Just to clear this up for you, Al, Strex Corp is a fictional corporate giant which does not really exist. It is fictional. As is the town it took over. Not real. But all these children are positive that it is as real as exams. And it's quite funny. I can't stress enough how funny it is. Creepy, but amusing.

-NH

Also, I have Transfiguration and Arithmancy tests tomorrow. Arithmancy is mind-numbingly simple—just a matter of noticing things and applying observations—, but Transfiguration is…stressful.


	92. Chapter 92

June 3, 2014

So…some more interesting effects. Remember yesterday, when I mentioned the whole 'smiling god pamphlets' thing? It's expanded. Considerably.

There are a good 100 students who have apparently aligned themselves with the concept of strex corp. What's really interesting, is there's about a dozen who are actively participating in a resistance movement.

I may or may not have started loudly playing some of the older yet still recent episodes everywhere I went last night and this morning before exams just to see what would happen. Surprisingly, the Slytherins seem to have the largest group of 'rebels.' They probably think they're being sneaky by pretending to be loyal to Strex.

Transfiguration was less trying than I suspected it would be. I think I did fairly well. I'm absolutely certain that the testers haven't seen such high arithmancy marks in decades.

Herbology, divination, and astronomy tomorrow. I think there's a good chance I'll fail astronomy for knowing more than they do. That happens a lot. I'll probably fail Herbology too. I haven't done anything for that class in weeks.

-NH


	93. The Adventure Continues

June 3, 2014

**The Adventure Continues**

The Night Vale movement, as I'm choosing to call it, has grown even more. A group of extremely impressionable young hufflepuffs have forgone school robes in favor of bright clothing streaked with blood. The library desks are dripping with blood and guts and a picnic has been set up on the far side of the lake where some of the older students have been trapping some of the younger ones. Two griffindors are proudly sporting black and purple while sneaking around (quite poorly) and undercutting Strex's efforts.

I think some of the teachers have noticed now. I'm not quite sure though. Their slightly frazzled appearances could simply be the result of exams and if any announcements have been made, I haven't heard them since I've been avoiding the Great Hall.

I think I'm just going to leave it running on rerun in the common room tonight while I go to bed. No need to ruin a good thing. So far, this is the most not bored I've been in a while. Oh, how I wish I could share it with Sherl!

Goodnight, Alwin. Goodnight.

-NH


	94. Busy and Not Boring Ish

June 4, 2014

**Busy and Not Boring. Ish.**

So, busy day. Ish. The divination exam was a joke. If I didn't get an O, well… that's ridiculous. I got an O. Herbology was dull. Very dull. I doubt that I got over an A. The first part of astronomy was challenging because I had to separate what I learned in class from what I learned for UNIT, but I think I got through it alright. I have the astronomy practical late tonight. That will be dull.

The teachers are frantically looking for an explanation for the student's odd behavior. Many students have stopped going to exams and there's a large group trying fervently and in some cases with force, to convert others to their cause. However, if there's less people in the testing rooms, then I can finish faster, so I'm refusing to do anything to prevent this.

All I'll say in way of elaboration, is that there has been bloodshed.

-NH


	95. Thursday Again

June 5, 2014

**Thursday Again**

DADA was terrible. It was boring, easy, and useless. The entire subject ridiculously pointless. If I don't get an O, then UNIT will have to fire me for incompetence. I could have passed that test in second year. Without a wand.

I fell asleep during the History exam, but I think everyone did for at least a while. I still think managed an EE.

In other news, the school is in full-blown panic over the… issue. A small group of students are still refusing to take any tests. There are about 90 people trapped at the picnic including the muggle studies professor and a new faction is refusing to stop testing, going so far as to take tests 3 or 4 times before grading them themselves.

Groups of healers and ministry workers are following around the more fanatic students and sitting in on worship services for "the Smiling God." They all look very concerned. I'm sitting back and chucking in a satisfied kind of way. I really didn't plan any of this, but it's just so fantastic! I've even stopped playing it, but these people keep going!

Ancient Runes test tomorrow morning then I'll be leaving for the summer. I have non-magical finals to do as well. It's miserable, but apparently necessary. Myc's been looking depressed today. I wonder what's bothering him.

I need to study. I don't want to, but I need to.

I watched many people fall asleep or fail their tests today due to exhaustion. Whoever's idea it was to have the astronomy exam in the middle of the week at night was more of an idiot than most people. That takes effort. I was grateful for my time turner. I got plenty of sleep.

-NH


	96. Goodbye Hogwarts Until Next Year

June 6, 2014

**Goodbye Hogwarts. Until Next Year…**

I'm supposed to be packing right now. I suppose I sort of am. Ancient Runes was easier than I expected. Got through it with no problems. The entire school seems to be coming apart at the seams. There are many, many false and creepy smiles and quite a lot of screaming and lots and lots of blood. I wish I could stick around and observe, but I have an English final this afternoon. Ah well, it was wonderfully not boring while it lasted.

-NH


	97. Chapter 97

June 7, 2014

Okay, here I go

Nope. I'd rather sleep. I'll write tomorrow. Maybe. If I don't die.

Goodnight, Alwin.


End file.
